Deuterium

Deuterium, chemical symbol D, is fat hydrogen.

Forty five atoms of dueterium are known created in the chaos of the big bang. Scientists found them all in a house in Illinois. They first thought there were only forty-two atoms and were pondering whether this might be the answer to the ultimate question but then they found the other three down the sofa. Before the atoms were taken to a laboratory for further investigation they were exposed to a salad and reverted to normal hydrogen. In recent yeards it hads been shown that Deuterium can be created when normal non-fat hydrogen is left in contact with fast food or dark matter for more then 17.8 seconds.

Properties of Deuterium

The particles of most gases will whizz around madly, bouncing around the place. Deuterium tends move a lot slower and stay to the sides of the container it is in, like a child that is unsure how to swim. The atoms move in a lumbering zig-zag and make a growling noise at a level of 2Db. They have been shown to move towards bright light, soft furnishing and geraniums. Tests have shown they are very likely to be found where Coldplay is being played.

Uses of Deuterium

The lethargic nature of the chemical will pass onto whatever it is in contact with. A 5 gram dose given to a small brown dog will cause it to stop all movement within a few days. The military are interested in developing a spray of it so soldiers in the firing line can surround themselves with a mist that will stop bullets wanting to hit them.