Bus surfing
Bus surfing. Everyone's doing it.
What's bus surfing I hear you ask?[edit]
Bus surfing is the ancient art of balancing yourself on the roof of a bus and attempting to stay on for the longest time possible, while dodging dangerous objects like low bridges and lamp posts. some of the more 'hardcore' fans believe in balancing poultry on their head whilst attempting this. there are many other variations of the technique including the 'free style', Alexander technique and the French version which involves two baguettes and a tricycle.
Note: this type of bus surfing is not to be confused with "Bush Surfing", which is a sport where you must ride unshaven people... if you catch my drift.
no clever comments here please.
History[edit]
Archaeologists of the IAOT (international agency of old twats) believe that Bus Surfing was invented by bored chicken sperm back in 16 000 000 BC. however these 'experts' believe that the sport was reborn in ancient Egypt, Cairo, by farmers when public transport could reach speed of over 8 Mph. however there was a downfall in ancient Rome when master chief (also known as Julius Ceaser) banned the sport when Marcus Fenix dodged 3 billion worth of bus fare while bus surfing, destroying the economy which lead to the fall of rome. bus surfing has been forgotten by most until an episode of bottom mentioned the sport. i love that show.
The uprising[edit]
Until recently, everyone was so scared that master chief would grenade stick them then rub his balls in their face that no one dare bus surf. however on the 13th of chief-tember, a small pube named harry, inspired a hippy called 'Neo' Ben Lightfoot james francias mary by telling him he is the one. after Ben accidentally put his penis in the USB socket of a computer, he somehow learned 64 different styles of martial arts. Followed by a dream with some random shit about some dick named morphious, Ben was ready. so he teamed up with Arnold Schwarzenegger and raped the master chief with a used tea-bag. Now while the master chief is getting his rectal assembly repaired, bus surfers may indulge in their ancient art without fear of being molested by a big man who had to use smart price bog roll as a child. However, there was some sadness as Ben soon after quit professional bus surfing to engage more in his hobby of feeding fat people who live in the US food so they get even fatter, some say this is his attempt to sink America. He still rides on special occasions however, and still kicks ass.
Contemporary bus surfers[edit]
Today bus surfing is normally associated with Yobs, Goths, Kitten Huffers and Jehovah's witnesses. however this is a sad thing for true bus surfers as these people are only doing it to avoid bus fare which is considered un 'romeo' like. When asked about this matter, Tony Blair said that anti fare-dodging technology would we installed in 2008. some small groups have risen up against these social groups, but have been unsuccessful. The most notable success was when Alex 'la Maquina' Lenaghan teamed up with Samuel L. Jackson and invaded Germany. just like Hitler and his jar of cookies all named Steve, they blamed the Jews and managed to kill 5000 of them armed with nothing but 'baguette's of war' in a single black man's rampage. although they haven't been seen for 2 months since the incident, bus surfer remain hopefull that they are alive. God was oonce fought to have settled the dispute with Satan over who ruled Christianity by having a huge bus surfing competition, which resulted in a catastropic fight between the two. This bus surfing incident is a popularly recognised theory over the creation of the universe.