Apathy Man/Apathy Rogues
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 Rear Admiral Ignorance may sport a blindfold like Justice, but he is fashion-forward enough to add fuzzy earmuffs to his ensemble. No mere style options, these head accessories lock down the Admiral's aural and visual perception, protecting his brain from information. However, he keeps his mouth free to boorishly shout orders to his henchmen, the Tin Seamen, and to inhale his share of hard shells on Taco Tuesday.  Blasting his Negative Ray at all who dare pester him, Commander No-Can-Do is the world's most selfish supervillain. Oh sure, invite him out for something fun, say stealing all of the monuments in Washington, D.C. and replacing them with holograms that are slightly smaller, and he's all "be there in five minutes." Or flooding The F.E.D. Five's headquarters - he jumped on that opportunity. But ask him to hold the hose for a few minutes or come to your niece's Bat Mitzvah and he's all like "no can do." I mean, it is his name, but c'mon.  Every hero grapples with indigestion. Sometimes it's brought on by that dreaded fifth slice of macaroni and cheese pizza; other times it's triggered by the lingering stench of a bloody crime scene, caught in the nose hairs while trying to enjoy a cold pastrami sandwich after another successful villain-thwarting. And then, when they're really unlucky, it's Sour Kraut. With acid-quick refluxes that cannot be stopped, Sour Kraut has the power to raise bile in his foes. Choking on hot venom, their hearts burning; his victims beg for mercy. The Kraut simply piles on more pain. He's German; he knows no other way.  In 1964, Shelton Holls took his children to the Disney film Mary Poppins. Two months later, he introduced the villain Marty Pockets to battle Apathy Man. An English butler who travels by flying teacup, Marty stores an unlimited arsenal in his bottomless pants' pockets. Despite dishing out evil by the spoonful, Marty failed to dispatch Apathy Man on many occasions. Too polite for criminal society, Pockets was turned inside-out with emotion. Destitute, without tuppence to rub together, he grabbed his teacup, pinky aloft, and soared into the windy twilight. Unfortunately, he was mistaken for a stray kite and shot down by an overzealous park ranger.  A botanist working on a highly classified bean meat paste meant to end world hunger and cure his wife's gout, Dr. Lima got the soil ph completely off and caused a catastrophic dirt explosion. When the grit had settled, Dr. Lima's wife had been reduced to a pile of snap peas and his moustache had become a collection of semi-sentient Kudzu vines. From that moment forth, Dr. Beanstachio choked the secrets from many a scientist, trying to discover a way to reverse his wife's state. He was forced to give up this mission after he mistakenly used her in a stir fry.  A Vietnamese bellmaker before turning to a life of crime, Ding-Dang Dong can immobilize security, electrical or nervous systems with one ring of his hat. With his criminally-seductive cohort, Sue Gong, by his side, Ding-Dang can bring-brang the cling-clang to any crime spree.  Long thought to be one of Apathy Man's greatest arch-nemeses, Tusker Two Ton turned out to be a run-of-the-mill walrus with a thermonuclear triggering device duct taped to his left flipper. This made him no less dangerous when he excitedly clapped for a billboard advertising fish sticks. |