Amber Lamps
| Amber Lamps | |
|---|---|
 She lives in the hood and isn't afraid of anything | |
| Nationality | Not of this Earth |
| Occupation | Epic Fight Spectator & Bus Rider |
| Known for | Big Headphones, Purple Spandex, Beautiful, Soulless Eyes |
“Bring the Amber Lamps”
Amber Lamps (Not to be confused with an Ambulambs) is a legend, who appears on rare occasions. She is believed to be a Goddess, having the power to keep her cool and ignore the outer world with the power of her headphones. She appears occasionally in Oakland, where she is believed to reside. She rose to fame when appearing in the fight between Epic Beard Man and Tyrone in the Busfight in Oakland, where she is seen watching the Battle of Mortals.
Early Life[edit]
Very little is known about Amber Lamps. She is believed to live in Oakland, where she travels by bus on occasion.
Rise to fame[edit]
“She sits, engaged in her own world, watching the lives of mortals. Her music keeps the impurities of common life out. Sitting with her mysterious aura and innocent eyes, she sees the world differently from you and I. She is calm, she is beautiful, she is Amber Lamps”
Amber rose to fame, starring in the feature movie Mortal Kombat, Epic Beard Man fights off Tyrone. Her astonishing performance left main actor Tyrone leaking and calling her name. She appeared even more uncaring when Tyrone repeatedly called her name.
Later career[edit]
After appearing in the video, she has not been seen again. She mysteriously disappeared, but rumor has it that she will be back for a rematch between Epic Beard Man and Tyrone. Many people have tried to hunt down this immortal soul, but without luck. Searchgroups on Facebook have long discussed the possible location of her, but nobody has found her.
It should be noted there is a push on by certain elements within the editors of the Websters Dictionary to add "Amberlamped" as a verb describing the act of a person who encourages her boyfriend/girlfriend/paramour/lover/random stranger riding the bus with her to get into racially charged brawls with what they perceive to be weaker opponents, resulting in said individual getting their ass handed back to them in several pieces along with their shattered ego, video recording the entire event including where they go through items left behind by the other bus passenger, posting it on YouTube, then after getting harsh criticism of your role in it, posting a response to it again on YouTube, not realizing you now look like a complete retard and having to go live in a cave at the foot of the San Bernardino Foothill as you don't wish to be seen in public.
Style[edit]
Amber is known to be wearing purple spandex pants and headphones that make her able to ignore the outside world. Her irresistible beauty has made men shout her name, including Tyrone who on several occasions calls her. Her unheard ability of completely ignoring everything around her has left experts wondering how she developed it. It is believed that her headphones keep her complete attention, rendering her incapable of caring.
Amberlampism[edit]
Amberlampism is a life philosophy, created and widespread by Amber Lamps. This kind of philosophy is a combination of Platonism and Scientology. Amberlampism basically temperas the philosophy that in crucial moments, not much is worth caring for. Therefor, many people see it as being passive nihilistic. Popularity of amberlampism has grown upon it's creation, and has since got a huge following in youthgroups. Amberlampism involves ignoring everything, listening to music and spectating the lives of mortals. Thereby making it ideal for young people. Criticism of amberlampism is focused upon its effect on peoples lacking in social awareness and increased laziness. Many people see it as causing omni-postmodernisation-tecnologicalproductivity decrease. Or maybe, people are just smoking too much weed.
External Links[edit]
A delightful song about Amber Lamps: http://youtu.be/JdfTY6WO0rA