Why?:You should be Christian
You people need to be educated on the importance of being Christian. Firstly, you people are making God very angry by making all these silly clown jokes about him. He is benevolent, thus he doesn't hurt you, yet he is still very angry with you — and making God angry is a very bad thing to do. So, please think on this, and repent before you end up making God mad again. This is why you should be Christian.
Black and gay people[edit]
If you are gay or black, you have made God angry also. So, stop being gay, and don't be black. I know people will say that is racist — but it’s the truth. You see, Adam blushed when he sinned, but since black people can't blush, they are evil. Anyways, that's why you are supposed to be Christian.
Black people look funny, and are stupid, so God hates them, but he also wants you to be nice to them. This is why racism is bad. However, when God makes a new kingdom on earth, there will be no black people in it.
Gay people are sick, and need to be taught not to be gay anymore. This makes God sad, so it is your job to make sure that you yourself are not gay. Do you promise? Pinky promise? Okay.
Making fun of God or Jesus[edit]
Jesus died for your sins, so you are being mean by making fun of him. He was a good man, and he loved everyone (including you), and that's why God brought him back. So you don't go make fun of him anymore, or you will be just as bad as Satan. Have you seen Satan? He is the guy who looks like my daddy; who uses the strap on me just before he drinks from his glass, but also sometimes from his bottle, and he makes my mum scream. Jesus wouldn't do that, so why does my daddy do that?
God made everything and so, he is considered cool. Without God, you just wouldn't exist right now, so you should thank him for that, and not make silly articles about him — as this makes God sad, empty inside, and angry — which is not good, since God is cool, and you don’t want to hurt his feelings.
God made the bible so that you could read it, and he says that you need to read the bible each and every day in order to go to heaven. So if you want to go to heaven, you need to do as God says, and start reading.
Blasphemy is a sin, and sinning makes God very angry. You don't want to make God angry do you? So you shouldn't make fun of him this way, or he will make you go to hell, and then you can only watch bad movies on the slow internet.
Chinese people[edit]
The Chinese are communist, and don't believe in God. This is why they are evil, and in the bible, it says that the Yellow People will attack God during this Armageddon. Since Chinese are yellow, they are obviously the evil army being described.
Media[edit]
Harry Potter is Satan because it teaches children how to do black magic, and Dumbledore is gay. So, if you want to be christain don't read Harry Potter. But you can read Skulduggery Pleasant.
Music is evil because the devil uses it to get people to worship him, and people are easily misled by music — especially rap, and maybe rock.
God also hates TV because it has always been violent, and has too much sex. It’s also used by Satan as a way to brainwash people into worshipping him.
Other religions[edit]
If you’re not Christian, you will go to hell — and then you'll be surrounded by Jews, Muslims, black people, and Mormons forever and ever. You don't want that, cause they are not christains, so that's why you need to be christain. It also makes you live forever, because God will protect you.
Jews[edit]
Jews, don’t even get me started.
Jews killed Jesus, and so, they are bad. They also like to steal money, and have big noses, but most of all; they hate Christians because God loves us, but doesn't love them — because they are greedy and mean. Jews are also very sneaky, and like to blame everyone else for them being Jewish. They also argue with God like their ancestor Jacob, and arguing with God is bad because God's cool.
Islam[edit]
Islam is evil because they wear turbans, and blow up towers. They also don't worship God, and instead take orders from Allah — who is actually Satan. So if you meet a muslim, don’t talk to them too much as they are evil, but maybe now that Bin Laden is gone and dead, we can talk to them again maybe? I dunno.
Hindu[edit]
Hindus are bad because they worship many Gods. and that is against the law of God. They also think they are better than Christians, and think humans get reincarnated when they die. This is wrong and if you believe that, you will be sent to Hell.
Athiests[edit]
Atheists don't believe in God, and think they know more than us chirstians. They tend to be scientists too; making them enemies of God. You should also not make friends with them, or they will try to turn you into one of them.
Witches[edit]
Witches, but sometimes I’ve heard them be called Paygans. They are evil because they practise magic, which God tells us is wrong, and they are doing what God says is bad; this then makes them enemies of God. Witches also like to make love to Satan, and curse christains as a pastime.
Science[edit]
Science kills babies and says that God isn't real. They are Satan, and thus, are evil. God doesn't like scientists because they are always mean and rude to him. So if you are Christian, don't be a scientist.
Conclusion[edit]
So to conclude, if you just love one God (the only christan God), you will be fine. Also, don’t be black, Jewish, Muslim, homosexual, atheist, be a scientist, like Harry Potter, or like music or TV also. Then you can be a Christian all day long. Then you be Christian all day long.