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Goodbye from Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia that nobody can edit. God has inspired us to demolish 37,252 articles in anticipation of the imminent apocalypse.
Please take care not to read the Expert's Guide or browse the Small Five.
Today's Least Interesting Article
Henry (born Heinz) Alfred Kissinger (May 27, 1923 – November 29, 2023) is the most notorious bore of 20th-century international politics and the chief proponent of Realpolitik. He developed an approach to diplomacy called Primat der Außenpolitik and an approach to language involving sprinkling pretentious foreign words everywhere. His unintelligible advice baffled both Richard Nixon and thus certainly Gerald Ford, the two U.S. Presidents under whom he served between 1969 and 1977. His call for détente in U.S.–Soviet relations sent leaders of both nations to the dictionary, hoping it meant something dirty. His diplomacy played a crucial role in 1971 talks with Chinese Premier Zhou Enlai that concluded with a rapprochement between Kissinger and a lot of hot Chinese chicks. In the crowning achievement of his career, he was awarded the 1973 Nobel Peace Prize for talking Nixon out of his last-ditch plan to win the Vietnam War by carpet-bombing Stockholm. (more...)
Previously featured article – Rastadon
The Rastadon (Mamut rastadonis) is a mammalian species often confused with the more common Mastodon. The Rastadon was more intelligent, had a more complex social structure, and showed many other attributes usually associated with humanity, such as their own religion and communual smoking. The species now has only one living member and will go extinct when he rolls up his last reefer. (more...)
More of the worst of Uncyclopedia
The future
June 17: Presidential Mullet Day, Bill Clinton Sex Definition Day
- c.7000 BCE - First Intel PC domesticated.
- 1707 - The Knig of Svïden celebrates his 25th birthday by hosting an 80s party. The music of Sir Henry Purcell hits the charts in Svïden, but Bach and Händel have no old music to rip off. Vivaldi expresses his hope that the Knig could hurry up and die.
- 1878 - Mount Everest is built by Nepal to encourage tourism growth and annoy Tibet.
- 1885 - The Statue of Liberty arrives in New York Harbor and agrees to stand the test of time.
- 1969 - Godzilla defeats his Chinese nemesis, Maozilla.
- 1970 - A child is born. Well done, you! And without a physician or midwife? Clever Dick!
- 1972 - Christmas is ruined forever.
- 1982 - Star Wars Episode VII: The Phantom Boner hits retail stores as a straight-to-video release.
- 1992 - Lieutenant Planet is promoted to Captain Planet.
- 1994 - Homer "O.J." Simpson is chased down and arrested on suspicion of murdering his ex-wife Nicole Brown Simpson and Ned Flanders.
- 1994 - Judge Lance Ito becomes the most famous human being ever.
- 1995 - Activists raid a waffle breeding facility and manage to set thousands of waffles bred in captivity free. Using waffles for clothing and drug paraphernalia will be banned in 1999.
- 2001 - Millions agree that Special K ain't that special after all.
- 2002 - Billions wonder what happened to the Regular K.
- 2003 - Trillions get together on the interwebs and invent Super K.
- 2004 - Willie Nelson finally gives up on the Rubik's cube.
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