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Selected anniversaries

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July 6: Man Milk Day

  • 2300 BCE - Chinese religious officers declared that drinking milk is a sin. Milk drinking increases 300%.
  • 1609 - Bohemia is granted freedom of religion. The Bohemians snap their fingers in approval.
  • 1732 - The 'Running of the Bulls' Festival in Pamplona, originally, 'The Drowning of the Animals Festival', undergoes major overhaul. PETA established.
  • 1946 - George W. Bush born; record numbers of brain death recorded in America. He is fed man milk from day one.
  • 1977 - Idiot starts 'Man Milk Day' and proceeds to schedule lame events (Editor advises they read the article "How To Be Funny And Not Just Stupid").
  • 1978 - Margaret Thatcher blesses the first man to be milked.
  • 1986 - Mike Portnoy founds the band Dream Theater.
  • 1988 - Shemales riot near Rio de Janeiro to obtain the rights for selling their milk to earn a living.
  • 1996 - Mike Portnoy travels back in time to found the band Dream Theater.
  • 2004 - Man milk is found to be an excellent source of energy for athletes. Naturally, using it in this fashion is outlawed by the U.N. under pressure by the Gatorade overlords of the universe.
  • 2005 - Escaped zoo monkeys in the UK set up their own government in Dorset to escape man milk foolishness. Mass migrations into the area severely tax local banana supplies and the sailboat rental business.
  • 2006 - San Seattle Riot kills 6 Caloringtons.

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Today's featured article – Alexander IV

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Alexander the Great was an act that was hard to follow. His empire stretched from Greece to India and as far south as Egypt. For his only male heir — Alexander IV of Macedonia — it would prove impossible to follow. Hence his sobriquet Alexander the Not So Great.

Alexander IV was a weak echo of his father, like Caesarion the son of Julius Caesar, Napoleon II heir of Napoleon I, and various Kennedys, Bushes, and Clintons of United States politics.

Alexander IV arrived in this world a few months after the death of his father in 323 BC. His mother was the fiery Roxane from Bactria on the Persian frontier, a wild land of two-humped camels and savage inter-tribal wars. Roxane was a warrior princess who was disgusted that her father had her married off to some swarthy, Greek-speaking foreigner. So much did she loathe her spouse that she tried to murder him on their wedding night — at least according to Oliver Stone's film about the Macedonian bleached-blond beach bum. After that bumpy start, the couple managed to avoid killing each other, at least until they produced a male heir. (more...)

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Previously featured article – Arthur Currie

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General Sir Arthur William Currie, GCMB, KCB, KGB, was a Canadian Senior officer during World War I. A prolific commander of the Canadian Expeditionary Force, Currie is among the finest Western front commanders in the war and one of the greatest Canadian officers. However, he is more internationally renowned for his world-class embezzlement; also for his hyper-sensitivity regarding his public image. (more...)

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