Randomness

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Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most not very random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when a petroglyph meditates quickly to wamble on edge cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 69 educated t-shirts 100% writing a homotopy up the telephone. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.

History

God as he burglarizes tires with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and pleasantly contagious history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the uptight fluorescent light that he is, started creating a massive shitad of things. Then he added a mundanely hulking blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly remarkable existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily rotted ages following its quickly obscure conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those ruthlessly random adverbs and adjectives doing in my severely unnatural sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately sanctifying existence. They would often have violently pocket-sized rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a rhythmically colossal connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our expensive religions:

  • Guc, also known as guer and arecai, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • Josis, son of Guc[2], had to die on the telephone pole because else Guc would've been easily incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up in hell to fornicate for the rest of eternity.
  • Guc, or attay as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named givugguz. He also told givugguz about the 72 white cadavers he'd recently added to his paradise, though givugguz used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no Guc and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.


Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to parchments.[1]


Randomness and sacrifices

Randomness and sacrifices are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was ablating some sacrifices, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with sacrifices as with, say, nude toasters. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the ring in the rope. This article has become so vigorously random that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. Simon Cowell duels hostel!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]


Random elvis.png Random Elvis Sighting

In accordance to the August 20th celebration of International Random Elvis Sighting in Uncyclopedia Articles Day, Elvis has been randomly sighted in this Uncyclopedia article.


The King has left the building.





Footnotes

  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also Gac himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of Gac.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.