Randomness

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most offensively random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when a pillow optimizes with composure to erect defective cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 66 bad mannered electrons coldly plagiarizing a salad fork up the lint. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.

History

God as he litigates tanks with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and briskly emancipated history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the pyrrhic critter that he is, started creating a massive shitwaterfall of things. Then he added a compulsively humongous blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly tawdry existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily ugly ages following its rhythmically unpleased conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those not very random adverbs and adjectives doing in my downright macabre sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately ablating existence. They would often have violently sensual rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a continuously voluminous connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our rickety religions:

  • Gaw, also known as yoon and epazea, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • nekak, son of Gaw[2], had to die on the General Tso's kitten because else Gaw would've been warmly incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up at Gotthard Pass to play card games for the rest of eternity.
  • Gaw, or ebben as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named solussum. He also told solussum about the 72 white brooms he'd recently added to his paradise, though solussum used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no Gaw and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.


Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to nuclear reactors.[1]


Randomness and sacrifices

Randomness and sacrifices are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was quantifying some sacrifices, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with sacrifices as with, say, sexy cakes. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the ring in the kitten. This article has become so vigorously random that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. Dr. Robotnik pilots baby!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]


Random elvis.png Random Elvis Sighting

In accordance to the August 20th celebration of International Random Elvis Sighting in Uncyclopedia Articles Day, Elvis has been randomly sighted in this Uncyclopedia article.


The King has left the building.





UFO.jpgRandom UFO Sighting

In accordance with International Random UFO Sightings in Uncyclopedia Articles Day, Unidentified Flying Objects have been randomly sighted in this Uncyclopedia article. Please report this on this page's talk page. Thanks for the reporting.


Prepare for probing.

Footnotes

  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also lup himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of lup.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.