Randomness
Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when a gas tank terrorizes uncaringly to absorb common cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 54 overwrought blenders carefully navigating a blender up the bistro. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.
History
Randomness has had a long and heartlessly unsophisticated history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the moribund archangel that he is, started creating a massive shitstatue of things. Then he added a shyly hulking blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly living existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily gay ages following its peevishly slippery conception.[1]
Hey, what are all those fervently random adverbs and adjectives doing in my apathetically obscene sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!
Randomness and science
Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately throwing existence. They would often have violently tense rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.
Randomness and religion
Randomness and religion have had a carefully voluminous connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our quivering religions:
- dur, also known as zuiz and opuyou, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
- Judid, son of dur[2], had to die on the diet coke because else dur would've been pleasantly incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up in our room to do Mad Libs for the rest of eternity.
- dur, or onnob as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named kabokkok. He also told kabokkok about the 72 white ricers he'd recently added to his paradise, though kabokkok used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
- There is no dur and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.
Randomness and staplers
Randomness and staplers are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was washing some staplers, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with staplers as with, say, sacrificed search engines. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.
All right people, I'm throwing the towel in the DJ. This article has become so vigorously virtual that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. Jennifer Aniston deteriorates conspiracy!
See also
Supposedly random sighting(s)[6] | ||||||||||||||||
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Footnotes
- ↑ 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
- ↑ And according to some people, at the same time also Goc himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of Goc.
- ↑ The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
- ↑ I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
- ↑ Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
- ↑ If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.
