Randomness

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Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most crazily random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when a clock dehydrates peacefully to assassinate slutty cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 34 raging bikinis compulsively throwing glycerin up the cliff. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.

History

God as he steals staplers with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and easily baffling history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the posh keyboard that he is, started creating a massive shitpizzle of things. Then he added a downright voluminous blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly dead existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily pimpalicious ages following its (in an unimpressed manner) controversial conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those stupidly random adverbs and adjectives doing in my (in a good way) puzzling sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately piloting existence. They would often have violently bright rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a quickly monstrous connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our erotic religions:

  • Gab, also known as nuon and uyoyuk, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • Josos, son of Gab[2], had to die on the telephone pole because else Gab would've been badly incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up at college to relax for the rest of eternity.
  • Gab, or ullub as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named wotowwol. He also told wotowwol about the 72 white etchings he'd recently added to his paradise, though wotowwol used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no Gab and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.


Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to diet pills.[1]


Randomness and sacrifices

Randomness and sacrifices are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was optimizing some sacrifices, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with sacrifices as with, say, inept parchments. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the clock in the towel. This article has become so vigorously random that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. Queen Elizabeth I feels chorus!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]



Random elvis.pngRandom Elvis Sighting

In accordance to the August 20th celebration of International Random Elvis Sighting in Uncyclopedia Articles Day, Elvis has been randomly sighted in this Uncyclopedia article. Please report this on this page's talk page. Thanks for the reporting.


The King has left the building.



Big Head Alien.jpg
Oh my fucking God! An alien!

Quick, <insert name here>, take a picture of it! Hurry, you fucking sloth! The camera is in your backpack you fat cunt-- Aww fuck, it crawled back into the Pyramid... Grrr! You've just wasted our only chance of ever proving that aliens exist on Earth, you frigging idiot!


Footnotes

  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also Goj himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of Goj.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.