User:Martinultima

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Welcome to User:Martinultima’s Page

The conveniently cheap userpage that nobody in their right minds should edit

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Today's featured article – Pandemics

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In our wheezing, sniffly, Covid world it can be difficult to recall that pandemics are nothing new. Waves of disease have sept across the world since the dawn of mankind, generally un-noted by history due to the insufficiently pale complexion of their victims. However, even Europe has not been left unaffected and the number of Belgians suffering from the crippling effects of ingrowing toenails has recently surpassed the global death toll of Dengue fever.

Bubonic Plague was long popular on the continent. Up to 200 million people so enjoyed the 14th century Black Death that they couldn’t bear to go without it when the Yersinia Pestis finally exhausted itself in 1353. As one can never have too much of a good thing, plague returned for an encore in the 16th century, with a revival in the West End of London being enjoyed terminally by over 20,000 happy punters. This triumph swiftly transferred to the Alhambra Theatre, Tenerife where another 10,000 went to grave swearing that it was the finest malady they’d ever endured. Soon plague-fever gripped the continent, gathering 3,000 ardent Maltese fans in 1592 before popular demand saw it return to London to claim another 20,000 devotees, while simultaneously gripping Spanish audiences of up to half a million. News of the terminal fun quickly got around and soon plague was embarking on regular tours of the major cities of France, Italy and Germany, even venturing to the New World and to China.

But for all the popularity of swollen lymph nodes, wracking pain and terminal fevers we should not ignore the affection that Europeans have had for other pathogens over the years; some of which were widespread, some of which were specific to certain regions of the continent due to the revolting practices common in those distinct regions. (more...)

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Previously featured article – Possum Trot

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Possum Trot is a city in the U.S. state of Tennessee, formerly known as Sootyburg, thence Coal Creek, thence Lake City, thence Rocky Top, the citizenry repeatedly induced to rename their municipality to capture a few more flatlander tourist dollars, typically on the strength of a popular music song that they could argue referred to them. (more...)

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In the news

On this day...

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September 27: Being Fooled by Nigerian Scammers Day

  • 1932 BC - The Queen of Sheba gives half of King Solomon's vast fortunes to Nigerians posing as lepers.
  • 535 - Pope Agapetus I sends half of all Vatican treasures to Nigerian princes in exchange for promises of ivory and tasty monkeys.
  • 1822 - Jean-François Champollion announces that he has deciphered the Rosetta stone. It begins, "Dear Sir, I am the cousin of the former finance minister of Nigeria, a Mr. Azikiwe..."
  • 1882 - Oscar Wilde is notified that he has been selected to receive £24.9 million from persecuted Nigerian businessman Chief MKO Abiola! All he has to do is telegraph his checking account number!
  • 1905 - Albert Einstein publishes the paper "Does the Inertia of a Body Depend Upon Its Energy Content?" in Annalen der Physik. This paper describes the relationship between energy and mass according to the equation E=MC2, where E is energy, M represents mass, and C is the number of Nigerian emails circling the internet at any given point.
  • 1942 - Adolf Hitler gets scammed out of all of Nazi Germany's tank anti-freeze budget by a Nigerian claiming to need a small sum of money to export his emu stock and giant vast fortunes.
  • 1961 - A young child, Davey, saves up his coins in a piggy bank to buy a bicycle. His dog Goliath convinces him to invest his money with him to get the bike sooner. When he finds his dog is just eating the coins, Davey kills him and chops him into bits. Davey then sets up a barbecue stand in front of the house, selling Goliath burgers to neighbors. Did we tell you his last name is McDonald? And that's the rest of the story.
  • 2005 - George W. Bush announces a 10,000,000 USD injection into the US economy, after receiving an email from "Dr. Shehu Shagari" who has all this money from some American guy's Nigerian bank account, who died in a plane crash with the rest of his family.
  • 2008 - Bernie Madoff takes $55 billion from investors in a Ponzi scheme. He is made the first honorary Nigerian in history.
  • 2010 - You go on to Uncyclopedia and check what anniversary it is after you paid a Nigerian $500 because he claimed to know the secret of life and that it was on this website.
  • 2043 - You are trying to research the lost Egyptian eggplant known as, 'The Interwebz.'

Today's featured picture


[vote]

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Ctfo.jpg - 23 screaming creams ( 25 / 2 )
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Ben & Jerry's introduces a new flavor, designed to help you relax.

Image credit: RadicalX

Recent Articles

Alan White (r/w) | Pablo Escobar | HowTo:Rearrange the deckchairs on the Titanic | Mia Khalifa (pictured) | Aragorn | International Alphabet Magnet Day | Compulsive Accordism | HowTo:Ignore the elephant in the room | Droid (r/w) | Corn Pop | Archimedes | Atlas Shrugged (film) | Cinnamon Toast Crunch | Clarence Thomas (r/w) | V for Veganism | Possum Trot | Elizabeth Cheney | Joe Scarborough | Kidnapping of Roman Protasevich | Conspiracy theory | Testosterone | Jill Biden | Ataturk | Tic-tac-toe (r/w) | Northeastern United States (r/w) | HowTo:Host a Boston Tea Party‎‎| David Souter | Steve Howe (baseball) (r/w) | Pepé Le Pew (r/w)


More recent articles | Most wanted pages | Requested rewrites | Add to stubs | Lonely pages | Pee Review | Try writing about... | Stuck articles needing a push

Writer and Noob of the Month

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GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!

Seriously, we love you.


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Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.

Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!


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It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!

HEIL FROSTY!



Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

You now only have 3, goddamnit 3 days to nominate and vote for Writer of the Month, Noob of the Month and Uncyclopedian of the Month, GET VOTING!!

Martinultima’s Scratchboard
In the same vein as Slate Industry in Wales:

Postage stamps of Ireland are the postage stamps issued by the postal authority of the independent Irish state.”

~ Captain Obvious on Wikipedia's featured article on August 14, 2007

Get Franklinstein here VFP-ready:
Franklinstein-signing-detail.jpg

And get Franklinstein here VFH-ready...
My Latest Articles
Benjamin Franklinstein PEE VFH
Jolt Cola PEE -
Complete Bibliography
8/3/2007 Benjamin Franklinstein – Norelco, you betrayed me! Time for plan B...
7/22/2007 Norelco (obviously this is a personal favorite now)
7/21/2007 UnNews:J.K. Rowling reveals title for Harry Potter 8! (been waiting to post this since 2005!)
Not my best, but apparently VFH'd anyway. Kudos to User:Sonic80 for being my one supporter here. Note that that bit about Homer Simpson (and, well, that other thing) was not my idea, but oh well. Oh, and screw you, Michael Gerber.
7/4/2007 Benjamin Franklinstein
7/4/2007 Jolt Cola (rewrite)
Includes Image:Benjamin Franklinstein.jpg
7/3/2007 Norelcopee review, resubmit (philosophy + shaving? bad combination...)
Also comes with Image:Mona Lisa Razor.jpg and Image:Occam's Razor in Action.jpg, yours free with paid order!
6/26/2007 The Human Element – waiting for pee review
6/19/2007 Image:American idols got talent.png. I hate that show.
2/15/2007 Geocities (I think this is where I put in {{:Me}})
2/10/2007 National Federation of the Blond (started, but needs a lot more blond jokes)
2/9/2007 UnNews:National Federation of the Blond: "Dye your hair, you're in danger!"
2/5/2007 Image:Thyspace.png (for Thyspace)
2/5/2007 Captain Omnipotent (section: Weaknesses + pic)
1/18/2007 Jolt Cola
1/16/2007 UnNews:Scientist experimenting on coffee arrested for blowing up universe
6/3/2006 Minimalist talk page
6/3/2006 Deep Note
3/4/2006 Geocities (really crappy original version)
1/9/2006 I Fucking Hate the Bermuda Triangle (added line: ships and planes...with chips on plates)
11/30/2005 Celine Dionide
11/20/2005 Image:Palpatines guide to facial care.jpg
11/3/2005 UnPoetia:Norbert Percy Tangleknickers
Articles Images WTF?