Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Roberto Duran

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Roberto Duran

Funnybony 22:13, 7 August 2009 (UTC)

I'll take this as you've been waiting for a little while. Our apologies for that. 24 hours at most for this one. --ChiefjusticeDS 12:51, 11 August 2009 (UTC)

Humour:	3	OK, your humour is in dire need of a second look. I can't really identify an aim from you in this regard, currently you seem to be relying on quantity of jokes over the quality of jokes. I think your first stop should be HTBFANJS as the main problem with your jokes is that they seem to be about the wrong things and judged somewhat poorly. I see that you obviously satirising the Wikipedia article on Roberto Duran but you do so in the wrong way. If you are going to satirise the life events of a particular person then you should try and talk about those rather than making things up. People who arrive at this page want to read a humorous slant on Roberto Duran, not a made up story or just general stupidity. You demonstrate you can joke well at times in the article, but these times are too sparse. You also run into problems with your joke coherence, I was reading your article and suddenly could be confronted with several jokes all taking place at once, and when some of them are particularly unclear then the good parts of the article begin to be lost under the poorer parts. Your jokes also have a tendency to be quite overt and in-your-face, I think it would be beneficial for you to attempt to be a bit more subtle, this will go hand in hand with an encyclopaedic tone (more on this below). What you can do to sort this out is to go through and, with the help of HTBFANJS and the Wikipedia article on Roberto Duran, cut the article down to focus only on real life events, don't be afraid of adding sections too if you think that they are relevant. Then you should go through with HTBFANJS and some more ideas of your own and add to the article. Take a look at some of the featured articles on famous people if you want some hints as to how best to execute your jokes and build them up.
Concept:	6	You have a OK concept and your tone isn't too bad. What I would recommend here is to take a second look at the article and make sure all of it is from the encyclopaedic perspective and thus at least sounds professional. To make sure your tone is correct you need to go through the article again and make sure you remove any opinions, profanity and sentences which address the reader. If you have a look at the Wikipedia article you will see a very good example of the tone you should be aiming for. I am recommending the encyclopaedic perspective to you partly because you are writing in it already with some success and because it is better suited to the satire that you should be trying to achieve for your article.
Prose and formatting:	4	Right there are a fair few problems to sort here, some serious, others less so. I'll break things down for you. 1) Sort out your spelling and grammar. Currently there are enough errors to let me notice without really having to look. This can be sorted out by quickly proofreading the article and fixing your errors. However, if the idea of proofreading doesn't really appeal to you then there is help at hand, simply place this template {{Proofread}} onto the page and thus magically summoning a member of The Uncyclopedia Proofreading Service, who will do the proofreading for you. However if you would prefer to keep hold of the article for yourself or feel confident then feel free to do it yourself. 2) Break up the text in the preamble and first two sections. Remember that the preamble will be the first thing people see when they look at your article and you want it to look appealing and uncomplicated. Currently it is the opposite and regardless of the content will make an uncyclopedian exit your page and go back to spamming the IRC channel. You can sort all of the sections out by breaking the text with gaps and just reading through carefully and looking for ways to be more concise with what you are saying. 3) Fix your image formatting. I realise that the image of the Rock of Gibraltar and the image of the poster below it are needed as visual aids for the sections, that is fine. What you need to fix is how close they are to each other, it isn't good image formatting. Just move it down the page a bit.
Images:	7	Your images are generally fine, just try to fix the formatting problems and make sure your captions fit in with the humour if you change it. Try to avoid getting images that contribute to one small joke and instead get images that compliment the article as a whole.
Miscellaneous:	4	My overall grade of the article.
Final Score:	24	Your article definitely has the potential to be excellent and you shouldn't let the general negativity of this review prevent you from pursuing that potential. If you want any more help from me, or if you just want to make a comment then please feel free to do so on my talk page. Good luck editing.
Reviewer:	--ChiefjusticeDS 16:06, 11 August 2009 (UTC)