UnNews:Terrorists kill hostages in Yemen as their Hit Points expire

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Where man always bites dog ✪ UnNews ✪ Saturday, April 20, 2024, 00:25:59 (UTC)
Terrorists kill hostages in Yemen as their Hit Points expire UnNews Logo Potato.png

7 December 2014

An annonymous member of SEAL TEAM 6 posing for a photograph before the raid began.

TERRORIST COMPOUND, Yemen -- 2 hostages are dead in the wake of allegations that terrorist forces broke the rules.

At 5p.m. EST an American raid began on a terrorist compound in southern Yemen. The goal of the operation was to rescue 2 hostages known to have their hands tied, to be kneeling, and be wearing orange jumpsuits and blindfolds. The codenames of the hostages were Luke and Pierre, who had earlier in the week starred in a teaser trailer for their violent executions. The raid began with a 10 km trek through loadout screens to select their favorite weapons and items, and began with high hopes.

"We had won the last three rounds, we definitly had momentum in our favor." Said one annonymous member of the elite Counter Terrorist team. And indeed they had. The constant losses had brought terrorist bank accounts to an all-time low. "We were all low on funds. It is very hard to find US currency in Yemen, with the only way of obtaining it being to scavenge between $300-$1500 off of dead enemies and we were sucking it up so none of us could afford a proper rifle." Stated an anonnymous terrorist "Except for [An annonymous member of the terrorist force that for the sake of the artice will hereafter be referred to as XxXEp1cCyCl0nEXxX]."

Indeed, XxXEp1cCyCl0nEXxX, drawn to terrorism by poor matchmaking and posessing just enough brain cells to realize that $59.99 is way too much money to spend to be a mercenary for a private military contractor, (even if your boss is Kevin Spacy) had just over $2,700USD to purchase the coveted terrorist weapon... the AK-47. He purchased this weapon after angrily mashing his keyboard after not knowing how to purchase a weapon in earlier rounds.

The firefight began after Counter Terrorist forces infiltrated the enemy compound, killing all terrorists except XxXEp1cCyCl0nEXxX. Realizing he was screwed and being peppered by enemy fire, he yelled over team communications, calling each member of his team a "faggot" and exclaiming words that shall forever live on in infamy: "You guys suck dicks I'm gonna kill all these faggots!". After retreating into a nearby building he discovered two identical kneeling NPC's, both of which he immediatly headshot.

"Upon seeing the information in the text chat, our initial reaction was that of horror" stated the self appointed leader of the Counter Terrorists, "We knew we had to bring this motherfucker to justice"

After murdering the hostages and recieving a mysterious bank deduction of $6000, XxXEp1cCyCl0nEXxX continued fleeing Counter Terrorist forces for aproximatly 2 mins, until he was located, and in a valient act of bravery, let time run out.

XxXEp1cCyCl0nEXxX's terrorist allies called him out for the blatent rule braking, and initiated a "votekick" to force him out of the terrorists. Upon the loss of the round, the United States Government was notified and President Barack Obama stated that he denounced the actions taken by XxXEp1cCyCl0nEXxX and had approved of the operation. Because of the loss, Obama lost a bet he had made with his close personal friend Osama Bin Laden.

Sources[edit]

Retrieved from "https://uncyclopedia.com/w/index.php?title=UnNews:Terrorists_kill_hostages_in_Yemen_as_their_Hit_Points_expire&oldid=5841902"