Capybara

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Capybara
META Capybara XM-1.png
The META Capybara (XM-1)
Habitat Anywhere and Everywhere
Profession Spying
Height 24in
Weight 150lbs (fat)
Hobbies Doing "activities" with minions

Capybara (Fatus rodentus) is a brown, relatively short and stubby rodent that thrives around the world, notably in the Southern version of America. Capybaras enjoy the water, and especially enjoy being fitted with the cyborg advanced AI system developed by Meta Corporation, which lets it be Big Man In Amazon and not just an appetizer for some itinerant piranha.

Development[edit]

Capybaras came to be through the META Artificial Intelligence Weaponization Program. Originally based off of the failed 273 "Super Rodent" genetically engineered body platform. Capybaras were fitted with the codenamed "Facebook Information Stealing Algorithm Thingamabob A.I.". Early trials showed improved observation and information gathering skills, as well as improved recording software. The production model "META Capybara XM-1" proved itself in the "Minion Invasion" incident, where the Moroccan Government used XM-1s to spy on the Minion Mainforce.

Deployment and use[edit]

The Capybara XM-1 was adopted for use by many nations around the world. Its service life began in 1999 and still continues to this day. It has seen deployment in all recent conflicts of the modern age.

Moonlighting[edit]

Capybaras pressed into service often take advantage of the AI capabilities they have been fitted with. Some put on trench coats and fedoras, go to street corners in Lima, Peru, and hold up calculators to advertise that they can change dollars for the local currency, the pez. However, the tourist should not rely on the capybara to quote the correct exchange rate, as he is fitted with a multiprocessor that effectively lets him keep multiple sets of books much easier than Peru's human business-people do.

Controversy[edit]

The META Capybara XM-2 was proposed on March 4, 2012. It featured improved control systems. It was originally designed for civilian observation and spying. This went over well with the CIA. However, problems quickly arose:

  • Surplus Capybara XM-2s were used in 9/11 by Al Qaeda.
  • Capybara XM-2s were also used by the Minions.
  • An alarming tendancy to "Pull up" and "Hop out at the afterparty" was noted, causing public panic.

On May 3, 2015, the XM project was discontinued and the CIA reverted to studying ways to monitor the civilian population using a pesky chest cold and armies of Public Health officials.