Why?:Should Women Vote
“Women voting! How awful; they'll be wanting to have sex with us next”
“Ze woman takes on ze role of das man due to her longing to possess her father's penis as a child”
“What a load of old shit!”
Women were first discovered on the internet by the fearless explorer Oscar Wilde in 1907. Since then they have become popular as both a tasty afternoon snack and as a cheap substitute for misery. But since 2003 a group of women called the Alliance for erm... what? demanded equal political rights for women. Since 2004 almost all countries have enacted legislation to exterminate women. Only one country, the greatest country in the world, has had enought confidence in its own masculinity both to allow women to partake fully in the political process and to change its name to a girls name; that country is of course: Britannia. (If you are American, don't worry, Britannia is just Latin for America)
Naturally the enfrachisment of both Genders has been a matter of contention, until 1974 men had been denied the vote in Britain as well.
Arguments For[edit]
It's only Fair[edit]
For many people, giving Women the vote is seen as an inevitable step for an enlightened society. This argument lost favour in 1998 after it appeared to fall on deaf ears due to a mixup when the UN conference on Women's rights was booked in the same theater as the annual tumbleweed symposium.
It Could be Good[edit]
The enfranchisement of such a large section of society could allow a whole new raft of ideas and thinking into the political system. To see how this idea has worked so well, one needs only look at examples of female leaders in the world such as Margaret Thatcher, Benazir Bhutto, Captain Janeway and Ronald Reagan
It's Probably for the Best[edit]
Denying women suffrage could breed resentment among women, causing them to declare war on men. This was one of the main reasons for the nineteenth amendment to the US constitution, making it illegal for states to deny any citizen the right to vote on account of sex. When George Bush repealled the Nineteenth Amendment, he assuaged his critics by declaring the War on Women, in order to "take the fight to the enemy, before she strikes America again".
It's not even your choice[edit]
Now seriously before you start saying I'm only being like this because I've got my period you know-it-all-bastard, just answer this key point. Why should it be for men or the ruling class of men to decide whether women should be granted suffrage? Please answer that without resort to unverifiable references to God or some kind of self-evident assumption that women are naturally inferior to men. If you can answer that then we can talk.
Arguments Against[edit]
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What if they are on their period?[edit]
Women aren't fit to vote at that time of the month. Period.
It's Never Worked Before[edit]
When one looks at famous women in History one finds barbaric women such as Boudica, Cleopatra and Margret Thatcher, whose exploits clearly show women are incapable of leading in any capacity. Far better to leave the difficult task of government to men, who we all know can be trusted - such worthy examples include George Bush, Adolf Hitler and Stalin. Proponents of 'Resultant Collapse Theory' suggest that, upon granting the vote to women on an equal basis to men, several large and previously succesful states have entered into a state of permenant decline. Such examples include the British Empire after 1928, the Wiemar Republic in the mid-1920s, and the USA after the eventual nation-wide ratification of the 19th Amendment in 1974.
Even they Agree[edit]
Ann Coulter famously stated that America was a far better state when women were barred from voting. After reading her books, no critic has been able to disagree.
It'll be easier to get laid[edit]
Power is sexy, ergo power is desirable. Clearly power makes women sexy, so power makes women desirable... But wait women are already sexy, at least to us men. If we let women have power then there is a slight risk they will start finding each other sexy, or may be even become so used to power, they no longer find us sexy! And let's face it, we got nothing else thanks to Ann Summers.
It's against God's will[edit]
It obviously is, that's why all nations who let women vote are currently being wiped of the face of the Earth by God and his hoard of firey angels. What? You don't believe me? Well you haven't been outside in a while.
They don't have penises[edit]
HOW ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO VOTE WITHOUT A PENIS? The modern electric voting machine can only be operated with one. It's true. I've checked!
It's the last illusion of control they've left us[edit]
Come on, guys, let's drop the pretense! We all know that 'the Vote' is just an illusion the women allow us so we'll quit whining about being the bitches. You all know it's true though you can't quite figure out how they did it. Well, let me clue you in: you know that god-awful potpourri or cachet or whatever-the-hell-it-is that you can't stand but that somehow ends up in every frickin place in the house? Well, guess what: that's made with a centuries-old secret combination of ingredients proven to drain men of our willpower. And here are some other unacknowledged signs of the overlordship of women:
-- Those twelve damn sham pillows that you have to move every night AND PUT BACK INTO POSITION EVERY MORNING! You don't want those sham pillows. Hell, she doesn't even want the sham pillows - they're nothing more to her than a symbol and constant reminder of our bitchhood. Every morning she watches you struggling with those pillows and thinks to herself: "That's right, bitch!"
-- 50% of the population wants the toilet seat up. Yet if the toilet seat stays up, we humbly apologize. (Cuz we're the bitches).
-- What does it damn matter where the shoes go? You want them on the floor where they're convenient. She wants them in the shoe rack. Guess who wins? (Cuz we're the bitches).
--Sweater vests. 'Nuff said.
Well, the vote has been the one area we have left to us, AND NOW THEY WANT EVEN THAT! Well, enough's enough. I'm putting my foot down! They don't get the vote and THAT'S THAT! No woman is going to dictate oh my god she's standing behind me watching me type this, isn't she? Please help me. When you see me next and I'm rocking that sweater vest, please just kill me then! Gotta go now, the missus is waiting!
Famous Debates[edit]
Hillary Clinton[edit]
During her presidential nomination campaign, protesters broke into her the conference hall where she was giving a speech bearing banners saying "Iron my shirts". In unison the pair began chanting the same phrase before they were roughly ejected from the theater. In response to this Hillary replied "Ah nice to see the last remenants of sexism in this country alive and well." Which was a pretty lame comeback. It would have been much better if she had said something more beligerant such as "Do your own damn ironing!" or "That's why I support compulsory Home Economics classes for men." That would have rocked. If she'd had the intelligence to say that, she could have been able to vote. But she didn't, so she can't.
Emily Davison[edit]
Emily attempted to speak to King George V and present him with a petition calling for women's votes in 1913. She made one of the most impassioned speeches in favour of women's rights. The king heard her speech but then pointed out that she didn't have testicles. This oversight on Emily's part set the feminist movement back for well over a hundred years. The king later rode her down on his horse when he saw her flashing her cash on the wrong side of London town.
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Featured on the 4th of December 2010 |