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The Article Which Makes the Present Feature

Today's featured article – Arthur Currie

General Sir Arthur William Currie, GCMB, KCB, KGB, was a Canadian Senior officer during World War I. A prolific commander of the Canadian Expeditionary Force, Currie is among the finest Western front commanders in the war and one of the greatest Canadian officers. However, he is more internationally renowned for his world-class embezzlement; also for his hyper-sensitivity regarding his public image.

Currie was born on December 5, 1875 in the tiny hamlet of Napperton, Ontario. Currie's last name was originally Curry, but, once he got out of "nappers" in 1897, he changed the spelling to avoid being mistaken for either his rival Arthur Curry (the reader knows him as Aquaman) or the popular Indian dish of the same name.

Currie had planned to pursue law or medicine but the convenient death of his father when Currie was 15 made this financially moronic. Currie then pursued teaching; joining the Canada Militia in 1897 was merely a part-time side-hustle. When the poor wages gained from the painful job of educating the devilish spawn of Canada became apparent, Currie stoped dilly-dallying and gave into his destiny as a full-time military man. (more...)

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Previously featured article – Star Trek

Star Trek was a government-mandated Pavlovian conditioning method to keep left-wing radicals and other kooks locked in their homes, staring at an electron gun with glass in front of it. (more...)

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Designated commemoration day

June 10: Try a New Type of Crappy Food Day, Processed Food Product Appreciation Day

31964 BCE - World population reaches 15.
31963 BCE - Earth's population becomes 14.5 after strange boulder incident occurs.
31962 BCE - Space hobos forced back into ocean once and for all, there is much rejoicing.
69 CE - A new way of having sex is invented although not the 69, oddly enough. It was the much less popular 1^1^1, which never really caught on.
1932 - Harlem renaissance poet Langston Hughes writes the first Yo momma joke.
1979 - Hershey's releases their first non-candy effort, Hugs. (pictured) It does not prove to be popular, as most people are found trying it only once.
1992 - The Cherokee Nation becomes extinct due to overpopulation of Grue.
2005 - Rosie O'Donnell explodes from over-eating again. Out of 9 lives she now only has one left.
2006 - Wayne Rooney kicks a football on live television – crowd goes wild.
2007 - The second coming of Elvis occurs. First words are 'I was just kidding everybody...uh huh.'
2007 - David Letterman tells something funny. A local black community want him on the KFC menu.
2007 - The King's second drug problem is revealed when he is found dead at a Toronto convenience store near the cave he was hiding in.
2007 - Pete Sampras declared world's first lead-eating champion by default after being held up in traffic for tournament duration.
2010 - First koala goes to the Moon, makes a thrilling scientific discovery and wins the Nobel Prize. Everyone makes 'Aww...' noises. Nine thousand disillusioned koalas top themselves.
2016 - The Colonel's recipe of eleven herbs and spices is accidentally revealed, exposing the two-thousand-year-old Illuminati/space alien/Bush/Clinton conspiracy to control the world's supply of food that comes in buckets.