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Today's featured article – Alexander IV

Alexander the Great was an act that was hard to follow. His empire stretched from Greece to India and as far south as Egypt. For his only male heir — Alexander IV of Macedonia — it would prove impossible to follow. Hence his sobriquet Alexander the Not So Great.

Alexander IV was a weak echo of his father, like Caesarion the son of Julius Caesar, Napoleon II heir of Napoleon I, and various Kennedys, Bushes, and Clintons of United States politics.

Alexander IV arrived in this world a few months after the death of his father in 323 BC. His mother was the fiery Roxane from Bactria on the Persian frontier, a wild land of two-humped camels and savage inter-tribal wars. Roxane was a warrior princess who was disgusted that her father had her married off to some swarthy, Greek-speaking foreigner. So much did she loathe her spouse that she tried to murder him on their wedding night — at least according to Oliver Stone's film about the Macedonian bleached-blond beach bum. After that bumpy start, the couple managed to avoid killing each other, at least until they produced a male heir. (more...)

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Previously featured article – Arthur Currie

General Sir Arthur William Currie, GCMB, KCB, KGB, was a Canadian Senior officer during World War I. A prolific commander of the Canadian Expeditionary Force, Currie is among the finest Western front commanders in the war and one of the greatest Canadian officers. However, he is more internationally renowned for his world-class embezzlement; also for his hyper-sensitivity regarding his public image. (more...)

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Designated commemoration day

June 26: St. Masturbus Day

1 million BCE - Cthulhu invents Christmas, when bored.
1856 BCE - Black people start writing.
1855 BCE - Brown people begin developing a complex society.
1854 BCE - Yellow people begin the study of astronomy.
1853 BCE - White people start painting their arses blue.
1087 - St. Clittorus gets really pissed because she was promised to have this day named after herself but totally got screwed over.
1123 - Pope Callistus II declares the sainthood of St. Dildo.
1284 - The Pied Piper lures 130 children of Hamelin away. Piping hot pies are soon outlawed.
1718 - The Tsar's son suspiciously turns up dead after he is sentenced to death.
1721 - Cthulhu invents Boxing Day for his loyal swarming masses of nightgaunts.
1895 - After an attack on the wooden bridges of the Canadian National Railway by beavers, repair crews work haphazardly and accidentally invent the roller coaster.
1928 - A cyclone hits Coney Island and completely twists its roller coaster out of shape. No-one notices for 27 years.
1963 - John F. Kennedy gives his famous 'Ich bin ein Selbstgeschlechter' speech.
1981 - Tom Cruise brings to life a Giant Tampax that the science world predicts would kill him exactly 24 years later.
2005 - Tom Cruise is killed by a regular Tampax in an ironical twist of fate.
2005 - Richard Whiteley dies after finally unscrambling the conundrum PIANOMENU.
2026 - The 'this is today' gag is used for the first time in history.