Babel:Zw

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The Article Which Makes the Present Feature

Today's featured article – The Witcher

The Witcher is a short story series/fantasy book saga/role-playing game/Netflix television show. It is set a time period of Medieval knights, monsters, fantastical beings and a lot of magic. If you can imagine a mix of Conan the Barbarian, Game of Thrones and the legends of King Arthur then you will be getting close to what this series is about. Think also of Monty Python and the Holy Grail and a dash of Harry Potter then you would have the formula.

The author of The Witcher is Andrzej Sapkowski (born 1948). He is a Polish-born writer who started his Witcher short stories in the 1980s. This was followed by books in the 1990s, which took almost as long to finish as George R. R. Martin's A Game of Thrones, not ending until 2013. It took even longer for them to be translated into English. Some wish the copyright holders hadn't bothered.

A witcher is essentially a male witch or warlock with the yellow eyes of a cat. He has some magic tricks but normally prefers to express himself with his sword(s). Witchers don't like to talk too much and physically look like Arnold Schwarzenegger's son. Except a witcher is also a 'mutant' and sterile as a jackass. (more...)

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Previously featured article – Chess pieces

Chess is often thought of as a game for pretentious tossers, and for teenage nerds in need of a competitive pastime that doesn’t necessarily end with them being wedgied. But this image is outdated. These days the game is also played by boxers desperate to show that repeated brain trauma has not affected their intelligence. (more...)

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Designated commemoration day

July 8: Oscar Fingal O'Flahertie Wills Wilde Appreciation Day

1773 - After stumbling across a time machine, Oscar Wilde goes back into time to flood the world with fake Benjamin Franklin quotes.
1914 - The first National Making Up Oscar Wilde Quotes Championship is held in Surrey, Southamptonshire, Boxbridge, England. Its sponsors would be arrested without charge, leading to the Easter Bunny Rebellion of 1916.
1930 - Just months after the Wall Street Crash of 1929, hungry bread line patrons celebrate Oscar Wilde Appreciation Day by reading his works to distract them from the biting July cold and their shoeless state. It doesn't work, as mere words fail to stack up against a hamburger with everything.
1947 - Oscar Wilde fever sweeps across the United States, with his play The Duchess of Padua briefly replacing the foxtrot as the "bee's knees". Sequels The Duchess of Padua II, The Duchess of Padua III: Total Blood Revenge and The Duchess of Padua vs. Godzilla all fail to spark the interest of a fickle public.
1959 - Presidential hopeful John F. Kennedy reads excerpts of Wilde's poem Ravenna to a sold-out crowd at Rice University. Kennedy mispronounces "Proserpine" and is heckled by an audience member that turns out to be Wilde's ghost.
1969 - The IBM CICS is made generally available for the 360 mainframe computer. The first use of this computer is to print out a copy of Wilde's article De Profundis where the last thing Wilde wrote in his manuscript version was "this page intentionally left blank".
2007 - Online misinformation source Uncyclopedia places its entry on Oscar Wilde on the front page for the day, and encourages even more atrocious fakes of his famous sayings to be posted in various places throughout the site. It will be years before ninjas track down everyone who submits one, dealing out horrible deaths rivalling anything Genghis Khan ever did plus adding a heaping helping of eternal damnation and suffering on top of that. Some ninjas would later seek help for "anger management issues".