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The Article Which Makes the Present Feature

Today's featured article – Arthur Currie

General Sir Arthur William Currie, GCMB, KCB, KGB, was a Canadian Senior officer during World War I. A prolific commander of the Canadian Expeditionary Force, Currie is among the finest Western front commanders in the war and one of the greatest Canadian officers. However, he is more internationally renowned for his world-class embezzlement; also for his hyper-sensitivity regarding his public image.

Currie was born on December 5, 1875 in the tiny hamlet of Napperton, Ontario. Currie's last name was originally Curry, but, once he got out of "nappers" in 1897, he changed the spelling to avoid being mistaken for either his rival Arthur Curry (the reader knows him as Aquaman) or the popular Indian dish of the same name.

Currie had planned to pursue law or medicine but the convenient death of his father when Currie was 15 made this financially moronic. Currie then pursued teaching; joining the Canada Militia in 1897 was merely a part-time side-hustle. When the poor wages gained from the painful job of educating the devilish spawn of Canada became apparent, Currie stoped dilly-dallying and gave into his destiny as a full-time military man. (more...)

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Previously featured article – Star Trek

Star Trek was a government-mandated Pavlovian conditioning method to keep left-wing radicals and other kooks locked in their homes, staring at an electron gun with glass in front of it. (more...)

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...and if you think this is a shitty planet, just wait 'til you see Mars 3...

May 19: Do What You Were Supposed to Do on May 18th Day (procrastinators)

A long, long time ago - Jedi Purge Day.
3141 BCE - The world is invented, no one notices.
pi - Someone decides that really long numbers are cool but hard to write down.
1743 - Jean-Pierre Christin invents the centigrade scale so scientists can tell exactly how badly they burn their dinners.
1861 - Nellie Melba is born. She would go on to invent peaches and toast.
1911 - Parks Canada is created so that there will be plenty of parking spaces for moose in the country.
1922 - The United States quota on immigration is repealed after Congress unanimously votes to force everyone on Earth to live in the United States.
1971 - The Soviet Union's space program releases Mars 2, the sequel to the hit Planet Mars. Due to budget cutbacks, Mars 2 has four holes in its center, and appears to be two dimensional. (pictured)
1997 - Chunnel declares civil war, dividing into North Chunnel and South Chunnel.
1999 - Jar Jar Binks's lead role in the movie Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace earns him much popularity, mostly in KKK circles. George Lucas continues to be the most popular person to be hanged in effigy.
2005 - Attempting to stay in business, the free encyclopedia Wikipedia sells advertisements using a bizarre method: for one hundred dollars, you can have every noun in any one sentence replaced with your product's name permanently.
2005 - Attempting to parody Wikipedia, Uncyclopedia sells Pepsi-Colas using a bizarre formula: for one hundred Pepsi-Colas, Pepsi-Cola can have every Pepsi-Cola in any one Pepsi-Cola replaced with your Pepsi-Cola's Pepsi-Cola permanently.
2019 - Uncyclopedia suddenly doesn't suck.