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The Article Which Makes the Present Feature


Today's featured article – Arthur Currie

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General Sir Arthur William Currie, GCMB, KCB, KGB, was a Canadian Senior officer during World War I. A prolific commander of the Canadian Expeditionary Force, Currie is among the finest Western front commanders in the war and one of the greatest Canadian officers. However, he is more internationally renowned for his world-class embezzlement; also for his hyper-sensitivity regarding his public image.

Currie was born on December 5, 1875 in the tiny hamlet of Napperton, Ontario. Currie's last name was originally Curry, but, once he got out of "nappers" in 1897, he changed the spelling to avoid being mistaken for either his rival Arthur Curry (the reader knows him as Aquaman) or the popular Indian dish of the same name.

Currie had planned to pursue law or medicine but the convenient death of his father when Currie was 15 made this financially moronic. Currie then pursued teaching; joining the Canada Militia in 1897 was merely a part-time side-hustle. When the poor wages gained from the painful job of educating the devilish spawn of Canada became apparent, Currie stoped dilly-dallying and gave into his destiny as a full-time military man. (more...)

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Previously featured article – Star Trek

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Star Trek was a government-mandated Pavlovian conditioning method to keep left-wing radicals and other kooks locked in their homes, staring at an electron gun with glass in front of it. (more...)

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Designated commemoration day

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June 16: World Hunger Appreciation Day

  • 1586 - Mary Queen of Scots takes tea, foregoes crumpet. She is thrown in Tower by Elizabeth I five days later.
  • 1837 - The muffin man began to build his reputation.
  • 1846 - Pius IX is elected pope on the strength of his fetching rendition of the Macarena. Through similar means he later secures successive terms in office and becomes the longest-reigning pope since the days of St. Peter's last miracle.
  • 1858 - Abraham Lincoln famously states that a house divided against itself cannot support itself very well and might very well lean to one side or perhaps fall over in some cases, if not completely just remain as is until some unfortunate earthquake or something ends its crippled being.
  • 1904 - Bloomsday. The events of James Joyce's novel, Ulysses, take place. Nothing happens.
  • 1916 - Lost explorers discover what they believe to be the only flower living within a 250km radius of the South Pole. They divide it up and eat it ravenously but still die from hypothermia.
  • 1952 - A plush dog toy braves the high seas of the English Channel in a brave attempt to find his father in France. It is dognapped by a skilled team of dognappers.
  • 1968 - The Rhode Island Toothpick Massacre: Newton G. Hardwick of Pawtucket steals a box of toothpicks from a local Wal-Mart and goes on a rampage, leaving one person bruised and five more slightly peeved.
  • 1968 - The Grease Hut donates four industrial-sized vats of grease to starving children in Africa. However, even they won't touch the stuff.
  • 1969 - A plush dog toy escapes from captivity by mauling his captors to death; it shares its compelling story with French media. The dog toy eventually finds its father, a stuffed German shepherd.
  • 1975 - Speed Racer breaks through Mach 5.
  • 1996 - Thomas The Tank Engine makes a TV come-back after reenacting The Great Train Robbery.
  • 2002 - The graphic designer who created Comic Sans dies a slow, painful death. Millions grin smugly.
  • 2006 - Some Uncyclopedia user creates a crappy entry on June 16, 2006 about Microsoft. It is promptly deleted by a literate user.

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  • ... that when a man with a .45 meets a man with a rifle, the man with a pistol will start giggling uncontrollably over the scene in Fistful of Dollars?


Do you worry...[edit]

  • ... that Mexican General Antonio de Padua María Severino López de Santa Anna y Pérez de Lebrón knew at least three people whose names began with the letter "L"?


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