Babel:Zw

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The Article Which Makes the Present Feature

Today's featured article – Switzerland

Switzerland is a mountainous region created in the early 13th century in order to contain gold and produce chocolate bars. From this point on, the insatiable Swiss desire for idyll building (idyllification) led to the creation of a nation remarkable for its efficient transport networks, orderly villages and synchronised repetitive yodelling.

At the beginning of time, Switzerland was a small moon orbiting the Earth, populated entirely by cows, sheep, and shepherd dogs; it is now thought to be where those creatures came from in the first place and it was known as tobleronistan.

Location of Switzerland, according to CNN. Due to continental drift, the country now lies south of Germany.

After being sent down to Earth, having fallen behind on sky-high rent, Switzerland came to be located south of Germany, bordering France, Italy, Australia and Liechtenstein. Switzerland annexed Czechia in 1990 because the country got too cramped and stuff is cheaper in eastern Europe, although today most Swiss are known to have trillions of dollars in the bank. (more...)

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Previously featured article – St. Pierre and Miquelon

St. Pierre and Michelob (technically, the Territorial Collectivity of Saint Pierre et Michelob; French: Collectivité territoriale de Saint-Pierre-et-Michelob), is an archipelago of small islands off the coast of eastern Canada, the main islands being St. Pierre and Michelob, south of the Canadian province of Newfoundland and Labatt. The islands come within 10 km of Newfoundland. (more...)

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Designated commemoration day

January 8: National Discrimination Day

450,000,000,000 BCE - "Earfh" is created, but is quickly destroyed and replaced with the current Earth as simply correcting the typo on the planning form requires two months notice. Dinosaurs die as a result.
33 - Jesus begins his steady decline.
41 - Roman emperor Caligula is found not to know shit from shinola and takes one for the team.
732 - The Dark Ages would suffer from not being allowed to live or work with other ages.
1066 - English realty agents chase off Nordic immigrants at Stamford Bridge but fail to prevent French immigrants from taking beachfront property further south.
1815 - Andrew Jackson forgets that the war is over and utterly destroys the British Army. Fortunately, America forgives him and treats him as a predecessor to Rambo.
1942 - Henry Ford declares his allegiance to Adolf Hitler's dictatorship, who in turn makes Ford improve customer service.
1967 - Martin Luther King Jr. dies of a tragic M&M overdose.
2009 - Kellogg's continues to conquer the cereal market with Smack after finally dropping the honey flavouring and just selling it straight up. (pictured)
2010 - The popular children's story that "an apple a day keeps the doctor away" is discovered to be false; research published in the Daily Mail shows it instead speeds up genital wart formation and werewolfism.