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The Article Which Makes the Present Feature


Today's featured article – Windows XP

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Windows XP, aka NT 5.1.2600, Windows XD or Windows :P is a detestable operating system. It remains Microsoft's "best" system to date, being far superior to subsequent products according to most late adopters.[1] It had an innovative graphical user interface compared to the bloatware known as MS-DOS, while taking up only 40 gigs of disk space. Its file system interacted fully with more dominant operating systems such as OS/2 Warp and Linux, and it featured enhanced mouse support, although still lacking rat support.

If you caught a BSOD, you need to insert a quarter to continue. (In Britain, a pound coin will work, if you push hard.)

Production of XP began in 1998 and was completed in 2000. However, Microsoft realized it did not crash enough, so they worked on making it vulnerable, bug-filled, and overall, an unmitigated pile of blue (or green) screens of death. (more...)

Previously featured article – Switzerland

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Switzerland is a mountainous region created in the early 13th century in order to contain gold and produce chocolate bars. From this point on, the insatiable Swiss desire for idyll building (idyllification) led to the creation of a nation remarkable for its efficient transport networks, orderly villages and synchronised repetitive yodelling. (more...)

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Designated commemoration day

An alligator (or maybe a crocodile).

January 27: International Bring Your Exotic Pet or Exotic Dancer to Work Day

  • 218 BCE - Hannibal Barca, travelling through Gaul, finds hotels refuse to allow his pet elephants in his rooms.
  • 1066 - William of France accidentally distracts the English army with a line of his obsequious bowing servants mistaken for twerking women. Harold of England raises his visor to get a better look, with not-so-very-good results.
  • 1313 - The Pope and King Charlemagne lead the first celebration of this holiday, followed by hundreds of pole dancers and strippers with griffons and dragons flying overhead.
  • 1649 - Charles II restores poles and pole dancers to Parliament.
  • 1776 - Thomas Jefferson, suffering from writer's block, brings his pet Negro Toby to work. Jeffy wakes up later in the day from a nap to discover that Toby has finished writing the remaining 96% of the Declaration of Independence. Jeffy promptly whips Toby and submits the Declaration to the Continental Congress the next day.
  • 1945 - President Harry Truman let his Komodo dragon press the big red button, authorizing the use of nookz.
  • 1947 - Mahatma Gandhi takes his pet rhinoceros to a rally. This scares the British into leaving India.
  • 1959 - Keith Olbermann is born in New York. The hospital staff lets a doctor's pet Gila monster deliver Olbermann, only to have the animal kidnap Olbermann and raise him for the next 18 years. Thus the grown sportscaster would later join the reptile in its festering hatred for the Dodgers for leaving Brooklyn.
  • 1984 - Winston Smith brings his parrot to work, only to have it arrested by the Thought Police for thoughtcrime. Doubleplus good!
  • 2005 - Amir Khan brings his pet Shahrukh Khan to his film shoot. He says it is his lucky charm.
  • 2010 - Howard Zinn and J.D. Salinger die on the same day. They have a long-winded conversation about literature outside the Pearly Gates, boring and annoying everyone else in line.
  • 2010 - Amitabh Bachchan brings Aishwarya Rai on a leash, marries her off to his son.
  • 2011 - Aishwarya Rai bears a child who is put on leash too.

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  1. Windows XP remains the overwhelming favorite of late adopters so hidebound as to also refuse to adopt the term "African American," though it seems we're onto something else now.