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Today's featured article – Alexander IV

Alexander the Great was an act that was hard to follow. His empire stretched from Greece to India and as far south as Egypt. For his only male heir — Alexander IV of Macedonia — it would prove impossible to follow. Hence his sobriquet Alexander the Not So Great.

Alexander IV was a weak echo of his father, like Caesarion the son of Julius Caesar, Napoleon II heir of Napoleon I, and various Kennedys, Bushes, and Clintons of United States politics.

Alexander IV arrived in this world a few months after the death of his father in 323 BC. His mother was the fiery Roxane from Bactria on the Persian frontier, a wild land of two-humped camels and savage inter-tribal wars. Roxane was a warrior princess who was disgusted that her father had her married off to some swarthy, Greek-speaking foreigner. So much did she loathe her spouse that she tried to murder him on their wedding night — at least according to Oliver Stone's film about the Macedonian bleached-blond beach bum. After that bumpy start, the couple managed to avoid killing each other, at least until they produced a male heir. (more...)

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Previously featured article – Arthur Currie

General Sir Arthur William Currie, GCMB, KCB, KGB, was a Canadian Senior officer during World War I. A prolific commander of the Canadian Expeditionary Force, Currie is among the finest Western front commanders in the war and one of the greatest Canadian officers. However, he is more internationally renowned for his world-class embezzlement; also for his hyper-sensitivity regarding his public image. (more...)

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Designated commemoration day

August 9: Reiteration Day

69 - Roman festival of Repetitionalia inaugurated. Unfortunately for Emperor Nero, he is murdered all over again. (pictured)
70 - Following imperial edict, birds begin annual migrations.
683 - Europe loses the knowledge of how to keep chickens laying eggs in the wintertime. Frustrated omelet lovers resort to using torture on chickens to force them to reveal the secret. The rack proves to be super-effective and has the additional benefits of making jerk chicken and finding out which chickens are Jews.
1066 - England is invaded successfully for the last time, all occupants are now immigrants except for the Cornish.
1493 - Columbus sets sail for the New World again, hoping that if he goes fast enough, he'll sail right past and end up in China.
1876 - Thomas Edison receives a mimeographed copy of a patent for his mimeograph.
1939 - World War II begins as Germany tries to get it right this time.
1984 - Every company requires three carbon copies of every document submitted. Everyone is told to "press down hard", collapsing tables and desks everywhere.
1991 - There are now 27 Baldwin brothers, all actors. "Mom kept trying for a girl," was the reasoning.
1998 - Bill Murray commits suicide, leaves note reading "I can't handle this shit again"; he is reincarnated as himself.
2004 - People start to realise that yesterday wasn't neccessarily "such hot shit after all".
2005 - U.S. Government is stuck for a replacement festival, decide to re-instigate Reiteration Day. Again.
2006 - Due to a printing error, calendars list today as "Reiterate the Previous Reiteration of Reiteration Day". Global panic ensues.