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Today's featured article – Alexander IV

Alexander the Great was an act that was hard to follow. His empire stretched from Greece to India and as far south as Egypt. For his only male heir — Alexander IV of Macedonia — it would prove impossible to follow. Hence his sobriquet Alexander the Not So Great.

Alexander IV was a weak echo of his father, like Caesarion the son of Julius Caesar, Napoleon II heir of Napoleon I, and various Kennedys, Bushes, and Clintons of United States politics.

Alexander IV arrived in this world a few months after the death of his father in 323 BC. His mother was the fiery Roxane from Bactria on the Persian frontier, a wild land of two-humped camels and savage inter-tribal wars. Roxane was a warrior princess who was disgusted that her father had her married off to some swarthy, Greek-speaking foreigner. So much did she loathe her spouse that she tried to murder him on their wedding night — at least according to Oliver Stone's film about the Macedonian bleached-blond beach bum. After that bumpy start, the couple managed to avoid killing each other, at least until they produced a male heir. (more...)

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Previously featured article – Arthur Currie

General Sir Arthur William Currie, GCMB, KCB, KGB, was a Canadian Senior officer during World War I. A prolific commander of the Canadian Expeditionary Force, Currie is among the finest Western front commanders in the war and one of the greatest Canadian officers. However, he is more internationally renowned for his world-class embezzlement; also for his hyper-sensitivity regarding his public image. (more...)

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Designated commemoration day

August 10: Vatican Mardi Gras

1122 - Sharpened crucifixes prove to be unpopular "throws" from Mardi Gras floats. Instead, since the church has a huge surplus of them, saints, living or dead, are flung into the crowds. The saints would be torn apart by revelers fighting over them. This accounts for the large number of holy relics like single bones that survive today.
1479 - Pope Sixtus IV inaugurates Vatican Mardi Gras, a celebration of sexuality which is the only day of the year that Catholics are allowed to celebrate sex, dress provocatively, engage in sexual intercourse, expose themselves to crowds, and drink from extremely tall, thin vessels.
1489 - The antipope Mellus Gibsonus I inaugurates Freaky Friday, a day of religious reflection where heavy drinking triggers racism and homophobia, with denial added to avoid a trip to the local psych ward or jail.
1675 - The foundation stone of the Royal Greenwich Observatory in London gets laid. It is happy all day.
1829 - Pius VIII initiates the tradition of throwing beads to nuns and screaming "Show us your tits!". (pictured)
1872 - Dentists conspire to create King cakes containing a small baby figurine to break people's teeth. Little did they realize that the Vatican sewers are full of alligator people who not only develope a taste for the babies from King cakes but human babies as well.
1914 - Pope Pius X is killed in a collision between carnival floats. The driver had become distracted after Pius threw beads to a group of nuns.
1989 - Pope John Paul II flashes a crowd of thoroughly appalled onlookers in Rome.
1992 - Girls Gone Wild: Cardinal Sins is released in the United States to critical acclaim. Gene Shalit declares it to be "one of the best movies released today."
2009 - Pope Benedict XVI enjoyed a massive gay sex party with all the other Popes.