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USA Front Page Story
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Today's featured article – Alexander IV
Alexander the Great was an act that was hard to follow. His empire stretched from Greece to India and as far south as Egypt. For his only male heir — Alexander IV of Macedonia — it would prove impossible to follow. Hence his sobriquet Alexander the Not So Great.
Alexander IV was a weak echo of his father, like Caesarion the son of Julius Caesar, Napoleon II heir of Napoleon I, and various Kennedys, Bushes, and Clintons of United States politics.
Alexander IV arrived in this world a few months after the death of his father in 323 BC. His mother was the fiery Roxane from Bactria on the Persian frontier, a wild land of two-humped camels and savage inter-tribal wars. Roxane was a warrior princess who was disgusted that her father had her married off to some swarthy, Greek-speaking foreigner. So much did she loathe her spouse that she tried to murder him on their wedding night — at least according to Oliver Stone's film about the Macedonian bleached-blond beach bum. After that bumpy start, the couple managed to avoid killing each other, at least until they produced a male heir. (more...)
Previously featured article – Arthur Currie
General Sir Arthur William Currie, GCMB, KCB, KGB, was a Canadian Senior officer during World War I. A prolific commander of the Canadian Expeditionary Force, Currie is among the finest Western front commanders in the war and one of the greatest Canadian officers. However, he is more internationally renowned for his world-class embezzlement; also for his hyper-sensitivity regarding his public image. (more...)
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Did y'all know...
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*... WWII pocket battleship Admiral Graf Spee sank only one naval warship?
- ... and that it was itself?
- ... that staring into a mirror and saying "Bloody Mary" three times will get you one if you are standing in a pub or bar?
- ... WWII pocket battleship Admiral Graf Spee sank only one naval warship?
- ... and that it was itself?
- ... that staring into a mirror and saying "Bloody Mary" three times will get you one if you are standing in a pub or bar?
- ... WWII pocket battleship Admiral Graf Spee sank only one naval warship?
- ... and that it was itself?
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Dispatches from the Voice of America
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On this day in America...
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August 8: For God's Sake Leave Your Bloody Cellphone Alone for 5 Minutes Day
 - 1005 - An anonymous Native American creates the first selfie while making smoke signals. He steps back to admire his work and falls off a cliff and becomes the first selfie fatality, but not the last.
- 1076 - Hundreds of American Indians die from smoke inhalation after spending too many hours a day chatting using smoke signals.
- 1576 - The cornerstone for Tycho Brahe's Uraniborg observatory is laid. The first Borg was sighted 3 years later, some 4.7 parsecs away.
- 1815 - Napoleon Bonaparte can't get any sig on the island of St. Helena.
- 1876 - Thomas Edison receives a patent for his mimeograph, which duplicates mimes.
- 1940 - The German Luftwaffe begin bombarding Great Britain with international text messages carrying sky-high roaming rates.
- 1961 - Birthday of U2's The Edge, as well as his twin brother, The Corner.
- 1984 - Popular peeps put pagers in their pants for personal perversion.
- 2004 - Fay Wray, American actress (b. 1907), passes away, after slipping on an enormous banana peel.
- 2008 - Wait just a sec, I have a call. Hello? Yeah. Yeah. No, they're right here. I don't know, something about an anniversary. Hah, yeah, I know. And that stupid-looking hat, yeah. Oh, sorry, I gotta let you go.
- 2009 - Shit, sorry, this is the last call, I promise. Hey. It's on the counter. It's on the counter. On the counter. The counter. On the - it's on the FUCKING COUNTER! THE COUNTER! ON THE COUNTER!
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George Eastman's featured picture
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[vote]
| Driveby-giraffe.png - 12 Drive Bys ( 16 / 4 )
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During the early to mid-1990s, drive-by giraffing was a major problem throughout Europe and Africa. Since then numbers have reduced, following a pact between rival gangs. However, they are on the rise in Los Angeles once again, particularly in and around the zoo, as African giraffe's attempt to reestablish dominance in their neighborhoods.
Image credit: RadicalX
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Great American heroes
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GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!
Seriously, we love you.
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.
Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!
HEIL FROSTY!
Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners
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