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Today's featured article – Alexander IV
Alexander the Great was an act that was hard to follow. His empire stretched from Greece to India and as far south as Egypt. For his only male heir — Alexander IV of Macedonia — it would prove impossible to follow. Hence his sobriquet Alexander the Not So Great.
Alexander IV was a weak echo of his father, like Caesarion the son of Julius Caesar, Napoleon II heir of Napoleon I, and various Kennedys, Bushes, and Clintons of United States politics.
Alexander IV arrived in this world a few months after the death of his father in 323 BC. His mother was the fiery Roxane from Bactria on the Persian frontier, a wild land of two-humped camels and savage inter-tribal wars. Roxane was a warrior princess who was disgusted that her father had her married off to some swarthy, Greek-speaking foreigner. So much did she loathe her spouse that she tried to murder him on their wedding night — at least according to Oliver Stone's film about the Macedonian bleached-blond beach bum. After that bumpy start, the couple managed to avoid killing each other, at least until they produced a male heir. (more...)
Previously featured article – Arthur Currie
General Sir Arthur William Currie, GCMB, KCB, KGB, was a Canadian Senior officer during World War I. A prolific commander of the Canadian Expeditionary Force, Currie is among the finest Western front commanders in the war and one of the greatest Canadian officers. However, he is more internationally renowned for his world-class embezzlement; also for his hyper-sensitivity regarding his public image. (more...)
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Did y'all know...
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*... there is no truth to the rumour that Candlejack kidnaps people who sa
- ... that intellectual theft refers to the stealing of one's ideas, not his IQ points?
- ... there is no truth to the rumour that Candlejack kidnaps people who sa
- ... that intellectual theft refers to the stealing of one's ideas, not his IQ points?
- ... there is no truth to the rumour that Candlejack kidnaps people who sa
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Dispatches from the Voice of America
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On this day in America...
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August 10: Vatican Mardi Gras
- 1122 - Sharpened crucifixes prove to be unpopular "throws" from Mardi Gras floats. Instead, since the church has a huge surplus of them, saints, living or dead, are flung into the crowds. The saints would be torn apart by revelers fighting over them. This accounts for the large number of holy relics like single bones that survive today.
- 1479 - Pope Sixtus IV inaugurates Vatican Mardi Gras, a celebration of sexuality which is the only day of the year that Catholics are allowed to celebrate sex, dress provocatively, engage in sexual intercourse, expose themselves to crowds, and drink from extremely tall, thin vessels.
- 1489 - The antipope Mellus Gibsonus I inaugurates Freaky Friday, a day of religious reflection where heavy drinking triggers racism and homophobia, with denial added to avoid a trip to the local psych ward or jail.
- 1675 - The foundation stone of the Royal Greenwich Observatory in London gets laid. It is happy all day.
- 1829 - Pius VIII initiates the tradition of throwing beads to nuns and screaming "Show us your tits!". (pictured)
- 1872 - Dentists conspire to create King cakes containing a small baby figurine to break people's teeth. Little did they realize that the Vatican sewers are full of alligator people who not only develope a taste for the babies from King cakes but human babies as well.
- 1914 - Pope Pius X is killed in a collision between carnival floats. The driver had become distracted after Pius threw beads to a group of nuns.
- 1989 - Pope John Paul II flashes a crowd of thoroughly appalled onlookers in Rome.
- 1992 - Girls Gone Wild: Cardinal Sins is released in the United States to critical acclaim. Gene Shalit declares it to be "one of the best movies released today."
- 2009 - Pope Benedict XVI enjoyed a massive gay sex party with all the other Popes.
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George Eastman's featured picture
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Great American heroes
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GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!
Seriously, we love you.
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.
Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!
HEIL FROSTY!
Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners
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