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Today's featured article – Alexander IV
Alexander the Great was an act that was hard to follow. His empire stretched from Greece to India and as far south as Egypt. For his only male heir — Alexander IV of Macedonia — it would prove impossible to follow. Hence his sobriquet Alexander the Not So Great.
Alexander IV was a weak echo of his father, like Caesarion the son of Julius Caesar, Napoleon II heir of Napoleon I, and various Kennedys, Bushes, and Clintons of United States politics.
Alexander IV arrived in this world a few months after the death of his father in 323 BC. His mother was the fiery Roxane from Bactria on the Persian frontier, a wild land of two-humped camels and savage inter-tribal wars. Roxane was a warrior princess who was disgusted that her father had her married off to some swarthy, Greek-speaking foreigner. So much did she loathe her spouse that she tried to murder him on their wedding night — at least according to Oliver Stone's film about the Macedonian bleached-blond beach bum. After that bumpy start, the couple managed to avoid killing each other, at least until they produced a male heir. (more...)
Previously featured article – Arthur Currie
General Sir Arthur William Currie, GCMB, KCB, KGB, was a Canadian Senior officer during World War I. A prolific commander of the Canadian Expeditionary Force, Currie is among the finest Western front commanders in the war and one of the greatest Canadian officers. However, he is more internationally renowned for his world-class embezzlement; also for his hyper-sensitivity regarding his public image. (more...)
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Did y'all know...
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*... Area 51 is just a clever ploy to distract you from being curious about Areas 1 through 50?
- ... rattlesnakes no longer rattle a warning before striking but send a potential threat a tweet and attack when the threat is checking their phone?
- ... Area 51 is just a clever ploy to distract you from being curious about Areas 1 through 50?
- ... rattlesnakes no longer rattle a warning before striking but send a potential threat a tweet and attack when the threat is checking their phone?
- ... Area 51 is just a clever ploy to distract you from being curious about Areas 1 through 50?
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Dispatches from the Voice of America
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On this day in America...
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June 26: St. Masturbus Day
- 1 million BCE - Cthulhu invents Christmas, when bored.
- 1856 BCE - Black people start writing.
- 1855 BCE - Brown people begin developing a complex society.
- 1854 BCE - Yellow people begin the study of astronomy.
- 1853 BCE - White people start painting their arses blue.
- 1087 - St. Clittorus gets really pissed because she was promised to have this day named after herself but totally got screwed over.
- 1123 - Pope Callistus II declares the sainthood of St. Dildo.
- 1284 - The Pied Piper lures 130 children of Hamelin away. Piping hot pies are soon outlawed.
- 1718 - The Tsar's son suspiciously turns up dead after he is sentenced to death.
- 1721 - Cthulhu invents Boxing Day for his loyal swarming masses of nightgaunts.
- 1895 - After an attack on the wooden bridges of the Canadian National Railway by beavers, repair crews work haphazardly and accidentally invent the roller coaster.
- 1928 - A cyclone hits Coney Island and completely twists its roller coaster out of shape. No-one notices for 27 years.
- 1963 - John F. Kennedy gives his famous 'Ich bin ein Selbstgeschlechter' speech.
- 1981 - Tom Cruise brings to life a Giant Tampax that the science world predicts would kill him exactly 24 years later.
- 2005 - Tom Cruise is killed by a regular Tampax in an ironical twist of fate.
- 2005 - Richard Whiteley dies after finally unscrambling the conundrum PIANOMENU.
- 2026 - The 'this is today' gag is used for the first time in history.
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George Eastman's featured picture
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Great American heroes
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GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!
Seriously, we love you.
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.
Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!
HEIL FROSTY!
Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners
Now you only have 4, yes 4 days to nominate and vote for Writer of the Month, Noob of the Month and Uncyclopedian of the Month, GET VOTING!!
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