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Today's featured article – Alexander IV
Alexander the Great was an act that was hard to follow. His empire stretched from Greece to India and as far south as Egypt. For his only male heir — Alexander IV of Macedonia — it would prove impossible to follow. Hence his sobriquet Alexander the Not So Great.
Alexander IV was a weak echo of his father, like Caesarion the son of Julius Caesar, Napoleon II heir of Napoleon I, and various Kennedys, Bushes, and Clintons of United States politics.
Alexander IV arrived in this world a few months after the death of his father in 323 BC. His mother was the fiery Roxane from Bactria on the Persian frontier, a wild land of two-humped camels and savage inter-tribal wars. Roxane was a warrior princess who was disgusted that her father had her married off to some swarthy, Greek-speaking foreigner. So much did she loathe her spouse that she tried to murder him on their wedding night — at least according to Oliver Stone's film about the Macedonian bleached-blond beach bum. After that bumpy start, the couple managed to avoid killing each other, at least until they produced a male heir. (more...)
Previously featured article – Arthur Currie
General Sir Arthur William Currie, GCMB, KCB, KGB, was a Canadian Senior officer during World War I. A prolific commander of the Canadian Expeditionary Force, Currie is among the finest Western front commanders in the war and one of the greatest Canadian officers. However, he is more internationally renowned for his world-class embezzlement; also for his hyper-sensitivity regarding his public image. (more...)
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Did y'all know...
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*... Uncyclopedia is riddled with subliminal messages? MOVE BACK INTO SURVEILLANCE CAMERA RANGE
- ... that censorship is a tactic practiced by oppressive governments who believe in upholding an arbitrary social standard for the so-called "good of the people" while simultaneously imposing their peremptory moral values on their unwilling populace by dictating what is and what is not necessary for them to experience?
- ... Uncyclopedia is riddled with subliminal messages? MOVE BACK INTO SURVEILLANCE CAMERA RANGE
- ... that censorship is a tactic practiced by oppressive governments who believe in upholding an arbitrary social standard for the so-called "good of the people" while simultaneously imposing their peremptory moral values on their unwilling populace by dictating what is and what is not necessary for them to experience?
- ... Uncyclopedia is riddled with subliminal messages? MOVE BACK INTO SURVEILLANCE CAMERA RANGE
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Dispatches from the Voice of America
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On this day in America...
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July 3: International Hot Pocket Day (pictured)
- 1775 - American Revolutionary War: George Washington goes to Cambridge, Massachusetts and takes command of the Continental Army, known for their delicious breakfasts.
- 1776 - The Declaration of Independence is peer reviewed.
- 1805 - Robert Fulton invents steam-powered toilet paper, to no avail.
- 1870 - Oscar Wilde graduates from Maudlin College, Oxford, with a double-first in modern classics and flower arranging.
- 1885 - "He who hath smelt it, dealt it" ruling in federal court sets new legal precedent.
- 1890 - The moderately severe United States Potato Shortage of the 1880s is resolved when Idaho is accepted as the 43rd U.S. state.
- 1939 - Coco Laboy, future Montreal Expos 3rd baseman and creator of the "daily double", is born.
- 1978 - Conceptual artist Humphrey Crawford exhibits his piece Oil, Urine and Diesel on Canvas.
- 1996 - Jeff Goldblum finally begins to figure out how to take down the aliens.
- 1983 - After a wild night of passion between a Pop Tart and a mediocre plate of Italian food, the Hot Pocket is conceived.
- 2005 - The Hot Pocket develops a strange illness and becomes Croissant Pocket.
- 2014 - Self-heating Hot Pockets with white phosphorus turn out to be extremely popular with arsonists but no one else.
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George Eastman's featured picture
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[vote]
| Kaleidoscoperifle.PNG - 7 total votes ( 9 / 2 )
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Distracted by the dizzying array of colours, your opponent is unable to aim her weapon.
Image credit: Nachahchahhlalalalderdslererrrrrrrrrrr rr
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Great American heroes
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GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!
Seriously, we love you.
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.
Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!
HEIL FROSTY!
Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners
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Uncyclopedia's sista projectsUncyclopedia is an independent humor writing project, a non-profitable cabal that also hosts a range of other projects.
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Protected by the Declaration of Independence and an elite clan of Minutemen. God bless America!
