Babel:US

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search

Welcome to Uncyclopedia Americana,

37,386 articles in American

Constitution · Declaration of Independence · Liberty Bell · Bill of Rights · NATO · Support the US war effort

50 States · American Idols · Red, White & Blue

USA Front Page Story

Today's featured article – Switzerland

Blueprint for the Matterhorn.JPG

Switzerland is a mountainous region created in the early 13th century in order to contain gold and produce chocolate bars. From this point on, the insatiable Swiss desire for idyll building (idyllification) led to the creation of a nation remarkable for its efficient transport networks, orderly villages and synchronised repetitive yodelling.

At the beginning of time, Switzerland was a small moon orbiting the Earth, populated entirely by cows, sheep, and shepherd dogs; it is now thought to be where those creatures came from in the first place and it was known as tobleronistan.

Location of Switzerland, according to CNN. Due to continental drift, the country now lies south of Germany.

After being sent down to Earth, having fallen behind on sky-high rent, Switzerland came to be located south of Germany, bordering France, Italy, Australia and Liechtenstein. Switzerland annexed Czechia in 1990 because the country got too cramped and stuff is cheaper in eastern Europe, although today most Swiss are known to have trillions of dollars in the bank. (more...)

Previously featured article – St. Pierre and Miquelon

St. Pierre and Miquelon Flag Final.PNG

St. Pierre and Michelob (technically, the Territorial Collectivity of Saint Pierre et Michelob; French: Collectivité territoriale de Saint-Pierre-et-Michelob), is an archipelago of small islands off the coast of eastern Canada, the main islands being St. Pierre and Michelob, south of the Canadian province of Newfoundland and Labatt. The islands come within 10 km of Newfoundland. (more...)

Did y'all know...

*... that the speed of light is inversely proportional to the intelligence of the person holding the stopwatch?
  • ... that the speed of light is inversely proportional to the intelligence of the person holding the stopwatch?
  • ... that the Virgin Birth is no longer considered a miracle? Women have been giving birth to virgins for centuries!
  • ... that the speed of light is inversely proportional to the intelligence of the person holding the stopwatch?

Dispatches from the Voice of America


On this day in America...

The End Is Near!

January 11: Fear of the Apocalypse Day, Guacamole/Whack-a-Mole Confusion Day

  • 3000 BCE - God vows to destroy the Earth, possibly while drunk.
  • 1834 BCE - Shamans kill a porcupine to determine if it is indeed the end of the world. Instead, with their hands full of quills, they determine it is the end of killing porcupines.
  • 50 BCE - World is still not ended yet, with most everyone waiting with bated breath. As some people don't understand exactly what that is, they fail to brush in the morning and wait with bad breath.
  • 34 - The end is near! But which end? And how near?
  • 184 - The end is near! However, it is narrowly averted when the end fails to make a left at Albuquerque and gets lost.
  • 1386 - Maybe the end is next week?
  • 1862 - Mexican forces defeat a superior force of French moles outside Guerrero. By leaving out bowls of guacamole, half the French forces are tricked into go back to their headquarters for chips. Mexican cavalry then attacked with mallets, winning many prize tickets.
  • 1967 - The Doors release the song The End but fail to trigger the Apocalypse. Most people instead up waiting for The End to end.
  • 1979 - The movie Apocalypse Now fails to kick off the end of the world.
  • 2004 - The Whack-a-Mole arcade game is introduced. Plastic moles equipped with high-intensity lasers fight back against a player armed with a mallet. It proves to be unpopular except in pizza joints where the burning smell from the game is covered up by the odor of burnt pizza.
  • 2006 - The TV series Crocodile Whisperer debuts. The show garners high ratings when the animal expert is attacked and eaten after being distracted by Steve Irwin waving hello.
  • 2016 - A woman runs for President. A woman loses the election because she has a husband that most people dislike.
  • 2018 - Two words: Avocado toast.
  • 2020 - The first of the 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse arrives. Most people spend most of their time indoors in pandemic related isolation. Nobody can agree on who or what is to blame. As a result, this year is best described as "2020 hindsight".


  • 2027 - The end happens. Critics call it underwhelming with Rotten Tomatoes giving it a 42% rating.
  • 2050 - The Anti-Christ shows up....for the 50th time. The dooms-dayers show up with signs....for the 5 billionth time. Too bad they are all too late for the party.

George Eastman's featured picture


[vote]

MrT-stained-glass.jpg

MrT-stained-glass.jpg - 41 fools pitied ( 45 / 4 )
MrT-stained-glass.jpg

Mr. T is a beacon of hope in our cold and dark world.

Image credit: RadicalX

Fair and balanced

Alexander the Not So Great (pictured) | Dubnium | Hebe | Carbon tetrachloride | Tetrachloroethylene | Northrop B-2 Spirit | Blue Fairies | People's Action Party (Singapore) | Woof | John Mahama | Vivek Ramaswamy | Norse Korea | Michael VI | Factorial | Bunsen burner | Queue | Odysseus | Mutually exclusive events‎ | Calcium | Kristi Noem | Anti-Zionism | Kevin McCarthy | Mike Johnson | House of Bourbon | Akaa, Finland | Nikki Haley | Menelaus | Ajax | Air Canada | Agamemnon | Great Schism


More recent articles | Most wanted outlaws | Requested rewrites | Add to stubs | Lonely pages | Pee Review | Try writing about...

Great American heroes

Writer of the month.png
GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!

Seriously, we love you.


Noobaward.png
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.

Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!


BePrepared.png
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!

HEIL FROSTY!


Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners


Uncyclopedia's sista projects

Uncyclopedia is an independent humor writing project, a non-profitable cabal that also hosts a range of other projects.

America's staunchest allies

UnNews Logo Potato (No text).png UnNews
The news source on crack
Uncyclopedia Uncyclopedia
The content-free encyclopedia
Undictionary Undictionary
The ick!tionary of all things best left unsaid
UnTunes UnTunes
Where noisy things can live and prosper
Game-Logo notext.png Games
Another way to waste time
Gorillatrans.gif HowTo
Instructions and guides for anything and everything
UnBooks UnBooks
Content-free books
Unquotable Unquotable
Useless misquotes galore
Uncycloversity Uncycloversity
If it makes sense, we don't want it
UnPoetia UnPoetia
Poetry for people who hate poetry
Undebate logo.svg UnDebate
Debating all the irrelevant issues
UnScripts UnScripts
We can ruin stage and film too
Why.svg Why?
Don't make me explain it to you twice
UnReviewsLogo.png UnReviews
We'll tell you why things suck
UnBestiary UnBestiary
Moo! Grrr! Narf! Harblesnock!
Uncyclomedia Commons notext.png UnCommons
Broken media repository

Uncyclopedia languages

This Uncyclopedia, started in 2005, currently contains 37,386 articles. Uncyclopedias are being written in many languages:

Protected by the Declaration of Independence and an elite clan of Minutemen. God bless America!