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Today's featured article – Alexander IV
Alexander the Great was an act that was hard to follow. His empire stretched from Greece to India and as far south as Egypt. For his only male heir — Alexander IV of Macedonia — it would prove impossible to follow. Hence his sobriquet Alexander the Not So Great.
Alexander IV was a weak echo of his father, like Caesarion the son of Julius Caesar, Napoleon II heir of Napoleon I, and various Kennedys, Bushes, and Clintons of United States politics.
Alexander IV arrived in this world a few months after the death of his father in 323 BC. His mother was the fiery Roxane from Bactria on the Persian frontier, a wild land of two-humped camels and savage inter-tribal wars. Roxane was a warrior princess who was disgusted that her father had her married off to some swarthy, Greek-speaking foreigner. So much did she loathe her spouse that she tried to murder him on their wedding night — at least according to Oliver Stone's film about the Macedonian bleached-blond beach bum. After that bumpy start, the couple managed to avoid killing each other, at least until they produced a male heir. (more...)
Previously featured article – Arthur Currie
General Sir Arthur William Currie, GCMB, KCB, KGB, was a Canadian Senior officer during World War I. A prolific commander of the Canadian Expeditionary Force, Currie is among the finest Western front commanders in the war and one of the greatest Canadian officers. However, he is more internationally renowned for his world-class embezzlement; also for his hyper-sensitivity regarding his public image. (more...)
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Did y'all know...
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*... people suffering from writer's block are usually very... something?
- ... Uncyclopedia is riddled with subliminal messages? YOU HAVE THE UNCONTROLLABLE URGE TO PUT A PANCAKE ON YOUR HEAD
- ... people suffering from writer's block are usually very... something?
- ... Uncyclopedia is riddled with subliminal messages? YOU HAVE THE UNCONTROLLABLE URGE TO PUT A PANCAKE ON YOUR HEAD
- ... people suffering from writer's block are usually very... something?
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Dispatches from the Voice of America
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On this day in America...
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August 17: A Dingo Ate My Baby Day (Australia).
 Michael Jackson celebrates Dingo Ate My Baby Day - 5000 BCE - The first dingo arrives in Australia. Says dingo: "Man, I'm hungry. Could sure go for something chewy and defenseless."
- 3020 BCE - Dingoes successfully mate with wallabies. The dallawingoby young, a wingodollajoeyhopper, is found to be delicious when barbecued, insuring quick extinction.
- 1776 - Thomas Jefferson releases happiness at 11 AM.
- 1777 - Thomas Jefferson releases packs of dingoes into the Virginia wilderness. These same dingoes are later credited for the elimination of the Roanoke settlement.
- 1918 - Bolshevik revolutionary leader Moisei Uritsky is assassinated. Dingoes are suspected.
- 1980 - "Ah Dingo Ate Moy Baybee!" The woman is fined A$500 for maligning dingoes and will be sentenced to being the butt of a Seinfeld joke.
- 1984 - Happiness is prohibited by the ISoPT.
- 1986 - A pack of rabid dingoes invade and devour the city of Sydney.
- 1988 - Pakistani President Muhammad Zia-ul-Haq and US Ambassador Arnold Raphel are killed in a plane crash. And then eaten by dingoes.
- 1988 - The legendary Alex Cross is born in Redhill, Surrey, UK. He then roundhouse-kicks a dingo in the face when it tries to eat him.
- 1997 - Rabid packs of dingoes win parliamentary seats in Australian run-off elections.
- 2004 - Alex Cross beats Chuck Norris in a fight, but Chuck Norris, with his last ounce of strength, roundhouse-kicks himself back in time to avoid being in a fight with someone far superior. Dingoes watch and learn.
- 2006 - President George W. Bush is confused on why an Oz farmer would name his dog "Dingo". Puppetmaster Cheney tries to explain, but then gets fed up and shoots a friend in the face.
- 2009 - Mount Everest a splode.
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George Eastman's featured picture
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Great American heroes
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GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!
Seriously, we love you.
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.
Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!
HEIL FROSTY!
Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners
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