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USA Front Page Story
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Today's featured article – Arthur Currie
General Sir Arthur William Currie, GCMB, KCB, KGB, was a Canadian Senior officer during World War I. A prolific commander of the Canadian Expeditionary Force, Currie is among the finest Western front commanders in the war and one of the greatest Canadian officers. However, he is more internationally renowned for his world-class embezzlement; also for his hyper-sensitivity regarding his public image.
Currie was born on December 5, 1875 in the tiny hamlet of Napperton, Ontario. Currie's last name was originally Curry, but, once he got out of "nappers" in 1897, he changed the spelling to avoid being mistaken for either his rival Arthur Curry (the reader knows him as Aquaman) or the popular Indian dish of the same name.
Currie had planned to pursue law or medicine but the convenient death of his father when Currie was 15 made this financially moronic. Currie then pursued teaching; joining the Canada Militia in 1897 was merely a part-time side-hustle. When the poor wages gained from the painful job of educating the devilish spawn of Canada became apparent, Currie stoped dilly-dallying and gave into his destiny as a full-time military man. (more...)
Previously featured article – Star Trek
Star Trek was a government-mandated Pavlovian conditioning method to keep left-wing radicals and other kooks locked in their homes, staring at an electron gun with glass in front of it. (more...)
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Did y'all know...
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*... that Uncyclopedia is riddled with subliminal messages? I♥HYPNOTOAD
- ... the Japanese have a saying: "A man cannot read the same Wikipedia page twice"? The pages are constantly being edited, and the act of reading it will make you a different person. Therefore, when a man goes back to re-read it, both the text and the man have been changed.
- ... that Uncyclopedia is riddled with subliminal messages? I♥HYPNOTOAD
- ... the Japanese have a saying: "A man cannot read the same Wikipedia page twice"? The pages are constantly being edited, and the act of reading it will make you a different person. Therefore, when a man goes back to re-read it, both the text and the man have been changed.
- ... that Uncyclopedia is riddled with subliminal messages? I♥HYPNOTOAD
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Dispatches from the Voice of America
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On this day in America...
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 Go on, treat yourself. Have a real good snort. June 24: Magic Marker Sniffing Day (Hebrides)
- 1146 - Under General Akbar, the Sardinian Empire victoriously raids Argentina causing enormous fishy destruction.
- 1374 - A sudden outbreak of Disco Fever causes people in the streets of Totentanz, Germany, to experience groovy hallucinations and begin to boogie and twitch uncontrollably until they all fall down.
- 1664 - Hell starts to get full. New Jersey is founded.
- 1733 - St. John's Harbour, the capital of the Sovereign Dominion of Newfoundland, is founded and named for the patron saint of ambulances.
- 1740 - Dominion of Newfoundland first wave invasion fails because Saint John, New Brunswick smells too bad.
- 1902 - Pablo Picasso opens the first exhibition of his work. His artwork is found to be so offensive to artistic standards that he is given loads of money, declared the greatest living artist, and told to make more.
- 1912 - Québec takes the day off in celebration, not realising that the Newfies have five hundred septic tanks and, when they learn to drive them, will be invading.
- 1936 - Al Gore invents evolution.
- 1946 - Superboy discovers "strange hairs growing down... y'know"; officially becomes Superman.
- 1957 - U.S. Supreme Court rules that free speech doesn't protect porn and expletives. South Park is cancelled overnight, while strangely, Playboy becomes more popular than ever.
- 2010 - The Ant People push the world's reset button.
- 2015 - Magic Marker Sniffing Day outlawed in the United States except South Carolina, due to the discovery that manufacturers have been including cocaine in special packs of pens.
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George Eastman's featured picture
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Great American heroes
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GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!
Seriously, we love you.
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.
Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!
HEIL FROSTY!
Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners
You have less than a week, just 6 days to nominate and vote for Writer of the Month, Noob of the Month and Uncyclopedian of the Month, GET VOTING!!
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