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Today's featured article – Alexander IV
Alexander the Great was an act that was hard to follow. His empire stretched from Greece to India and as far south as Egypt. For his only male heir — Alexander IV of Macedonia — it would prove impossible to follow. Hence his sobriquet Alexander the Not So Great.
Alexander IV was a weak echo of his father, like Caesarion the son of Julius Caesar, Napoleon II heir of Napoleon I, and various Kennedys, Bushes, and Clintons of United States politics.
Alexander IV arrived in this world a few months after the death of his father in 323 BC. His mother was the fiery Roxane from Bactria on the Persian frontier, a wild land of two-humped camels and savage inter-tribal wars. Roxane was a warrior princess who was disgusted that her father had her married off to some swarthy, Greek-speaking foreigner. So much did she loathe her spouse that she tried to murder him on their wedding night — at least according to Oliver Stone's film about the Macedonian bleached-blond beach bum. After that bumpy start, the couple managed to avoid killing each other, at least until they produced a male heir. (more...)
Previously featured article – Arthur Currie
General Sir Arthur William Currie, GCMB, KCB, KGB, was a Canadian Senior officer during World War I. A prolific commander of the Canadian Expeditionary Force, Currie is among the finest Western front commanders in the war and one of the greatest Canadian officers. However, he is more internationally renowned for his world-class embezzlement; also for his hyper-sensitivity regarding his public image. (more...)
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Did y'all know...
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*... that witch-hunting for fun and profit has mostly turned into witch-hunting for fun in this modern era of cheaply produced Chinese assembly line witches?
- ... that you can't wear my sweatshirt? It's mine!
- ... that witch-hunting for fun and profit has mostly turned into witch-hunting for fun in this modern era of cheaply produced Chinese assembly line witches?
- ... that you can't wear my sweatshirt? It's mine!
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Dispatches from the Voice of America
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On this day in America...
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July 31: Feast of St. Leslie Nielsen
- 118 - The wheelbarrow is invented in China even though its use in Jackass-style videos would not be realized until the 2000s.
- 781 - The oldest recorded eruption of noted volcano Mt. Fuji occurs, raining the Japanese countryside with scorched lenses and bits of charred film.
- 1498 - Christopher Columbus, on his third voyage to the Western Hemisphere, still refuses to ask for directions to India.
- 1577 - Newspapers are invented. No longer are two strong men required to throw town criers onto people's doorsteps.
- 1588 - The Spanish Armada is spotted off of England; very few were expecting said Inquisition.
- 1829 - Andrew Jackson invents baloney by instituting the spoils system of government.
- 1919 - Germany's Weimar Constitution and Other Fables is penned.
- 1921 - The International Astronomical and Astrological Society dubs Gemini to be the most revered of all constellations. (pictured)
- 1947 - Leslie Nielsen pushes Richard Widmark in a wheelchair with O.J. Simpson sitting on Widmark's lap down a flight of stairs in the film Kiss of Death.
- 1948 - Jingo Grand Championship: India headbutts the UK negating its win of 1858. Mahatma Gandhi is named player of the year and becomes the first to claim "I'm going to Disney World".
- 1956 - Leslie Nielsen is canonized for his miraculous quick draw in vaporizing an attacking tiger and also stealing the girl away from his men on the planet Altair IV, named for the personal computer.
- 1992 - Harry Potter is born and proves to be a whizzer from the start.
- 3491 - Third Robot invasion of U.S. capital Grand Forks, North Dakota is repelled by soldiers under the leadership of Mecha-President George Bush XXVI.
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George Eastman's featured picture
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[vote]
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The 21st century realist art left many masterpieces. The Gallery of World's Tableaux of Fame hosts many artworks from different parts of the world.
Image credit: 90s Kid21
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Great American heroes
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GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!
Seriously, we love you.
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.
Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!
HEIL FROSTY!
Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners
Oh my god! There are no more days left! It's today or miss the boat to nominate and vote for Writer of the Month, Noob of the Month and Uncyclopedian of the Month, GET VOTING!!
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