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USA Front Page Story
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Today's featured article – Arthur Currie
General Sir Arthur William Currie, GCMB, KCB, KGB, was a Canadian Senior officer during World War I. A prolific commander of the Canadian Expeditionary Force, Currie is among the finest Western front commanders in the war and one of the greatest Canadian officers. However, he is more internationally renowned for his world-class embezzlement; also for his hyper-sensitivity regarding his public image.
Currie was born on December 5, 1875 in the tiny hamlet of Napperton, Ontario. Currie's last name was originally Curry, but, once he got out of "nappers" in 1897, he changed the spelling to avoid being mistaken for either his rival Arthur Curry (the reader knows him as Aquaman) or the popular Indian dish of the same name.
Currie had planned to pursue law or medicine but the convenient death of his father when Currie was 15 made this financially moronic. Currie then pursued teaching; joining the Canada Militia in 1897 was merely a part-time side-hustle. When the poor wages gained from the painful job of educating the devilish spawn of Canada became apparent, Currie stoped dilly-dallying and gave into his destiny as a full-time military man. (more...)
Previously featured article – Star Trek
Star Trek was a government-mandated Pavlovian conditioning method to keep left-wing radicals and other kooks locked in their homes, staring at an electron gun with glass in front of it. (more...)
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Did y'all know...
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*... goldfish have been found not to be particularly aggressive, yet they can often be found guarding a castle?
- ... that the first use of "LOL" is in Shakespeare's play, As You Like It, and that the first use of "OMG" may be found in Macbeth?
- ... goldfish have been found not to be particularly aggressive, yet they can often be found guarding a castle?
- ... that the first use of "LOL" is in Shakespeare's play, As You Like It, and that the first use of "OMG" may be found in Macbeth?
- ... goldfish have been found not to be particularly aggressive, yet they can often be found guarding a castle?
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Dispatches from the Voice of America
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On this day in America...
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April 21: Rome's Birthday (Italy)
- 1700 BCE - Emperor Palpatine kills Jamie Lynn Spears and then uses the Force to get Shmi Skywalker pregnant with Anakin.
- 753 BCE - Rome is founded by Romulus and Remus after building it in a day.
- 752 BCE - The Romulans declare an uneasy truce with the rest of the humans on Earth.
- 749 BCE - A group of Romulans unable to get dates known as the 'vool-cahns' decide to leave Earth and start their own planet.
- 1349 - The Spanish Inquisition is not expected.
- 1350 - A Belgian man expects the Spanish Inquisition, and is promptly beaten to death.
- 1684 - Isaac Newton proposes the idea of "gravity". It is rejected by non-seculars, and Newton is laughed at and beaten.
- 1836 - Sam Houston royally teabags Santa Anna and his sleepy Mexicans.
- 1900 - Creamed corn is deemed just thing to spice up that Sunday dinner.
- 1918 - French whores rejoice: "The Yanks are cumming" proves true and profitable.
- 1955 - Bob Hope decides this radio thing is old and busted. If only he knew.
- 1966 - The Girl from Ipanema is discovered to be like a samba that, swings so cool and sways so gentle, that when she passes each one she passes goes "a-a-ah!"
- 2003 - Homosexuals finally learn to use a keyboard with two hands.
- 2006 - April 21st decides to change its name to July 14th. July 14th does not approve and in retaliation changes its name to August 25th, and refuses to acknowledge the month of April any more. This leads to a mass surge in calendar production when everyone takes sides - April lovers stick to the original 12 month calendar, whereas July fanciers take up a new streamlined 11 month number, with pictures of kittens on it. Everything goes back to normal the next day when Mr. T pities April 21st.
- 2010 - The Spanish Inquisition expects the Spanish Inquisition, and is promptly befuddled resulting in an impromptu tea/ riverdance party that leads to the very fabric of space and time ripping apart. The noitisiuqnI hsinapS meanwhile is not amused.
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George Eastman's featured picture
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Great American heroes
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GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!
Seriously, we love you.
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.
Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!
HEIL FROSTY!
Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners
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