From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation
Jump to search
USA Front Page Story
|
Today's featured article – Switzerland
Switzerland is a mountainous region created in the early 13th century in order to contain gold and produce chocolate bars. From this point on, the insatiable Swiss desire for idyll building (idyllification) led to the creation of a nation remarkable for its efficient transport networks, orderly villages and synchronised repetitive yodelling.
At the beginning of time, Switzerland was a small moon orbiting the Earth, populated entirely by cows, sheep, and shepherd dogs; it is now thought to be where those creatures came from in the first place and it was known as tobleronistan.
 Location of Switzerland, according to CNN. Due to continental drift, the country now lies south of Germany. After being sent down to Earth, having fallen behind on sky-high rent, Switzerland came to be located south of Germany, bordering France, Italy, Australia and Liechtenstein. Switzerland annexed Czechia in 1990 because the country got too cramped and stuff is cheaper in eastern Europe, although today most Swiss are known to have trillions of dollars in the bank. (more...)
St. Pierre and Michelob (technically, the Territorial Collectivity of Saint Pierre et Michelob; French: Collectivité territoriale de Saint-Pierre-et-Michelob), is an archipelago of small islands off the coast of eastern Canada, the main islands being St. Pierre and Michelob, south of the Canadian province of Newfoundland and Labatt. The islands come within 10 km of Newfoundland. (more...)
|
Did y'all know...
|
*... the world has nearly run out helium for airships and toy balloons?
- ... but dog farts will provide enough gas to last thousands of years?
- ... your local restaurant "borrowed" its special recipe from the movie Pink Flamingos?
- ... the world has nearly run out helium for airships and toy balloons?
- ... but dog farts will provide enough gas to last thousands of years?
- ... your local restaurant "borrowed" its special recipe from the movie Pink Flamingos?
|
|
Dispatches from the Voice of America
|
|
On this day in America...
|
|
January 7: International Insanity Day
- 788 - King Arthur has white wine with his lunch instead of red wine. The round table becomes concerned.
- 1938 - The League of Nations is destroyed by the Axis of Evil, going down in three straight sets.
- 1940 - France is destroyed by the Axis of Evil. Somehow, it only takes one set.
- 1943 - Nazi German troops under the command of Gen. Paulus surrender at Stalingrad after realizing they were wasting their time fighting over Russia of all places.
- 1961 - Willie Nelson writes the song Crazy, performed by Patsy Cline. Both would be put in straightjackets and given electroshock treatments for their efforts.
- 1977 - A chemical is derived that kills JFK again, revives Hitler's brain again, and taste like grape juice. Black Karl Marx is born. (pictured)
- 1894 - Thomas Edison makes a short film that consists solely of one person sneezing. He was ahead of his time.
- 2005 - Gnarls Barkley releases the song Crazy. The politically correct would protest the Willie Nelson song as being "insensitive", with the same people rating the Gnarls Barkley song as a "melodramatic triumph".
- 2007 - Everything begins to make sense now! Yay!
- 2008 - The Pope excommunicates water; his approval rating soars to 7 people.
- 2009 - Lethal Weapon 5 is released to the public, in which Riggs blows up random stuff in the name of God and a deceased Murtaugh rises from the grave to confirm that he is, conclusively, too old for this shit.
- 2021 - Trump describes Capitol building invaders and looters as "special people". Social media companies remove his microphone and his bullhorn.
|
|
George Eastman's featured picture
|
[vote]
| Moses with Ipad.jpg - 10 Ipads held by Moses. ( 11 / 1 )
|
|
When Moses finally reached the top of Mount Sinai he was surprised to find God had left him the holy iPad; complete with the ten commandments, the angry birds app, and all!
Image credit: Magic man and his friend.
|
|
|
|
|
Great American heroes
|
GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!
Seriously, we love you.
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.
Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!
HEIL FROSTY!
Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners
|
|
Uncyclopedia's sista projectsUncyclopedia is an independent humor writing project, a non-profitable cabal that also hosts a range of other projects.
America's staunchest allies
|
Uncyclopedia languages
This Uncyclopedia, started in 2005, currently contains 37,385 articles. Uncyclopedias are being written in many languages:
|
Protected by the Declaration of Independence and an elite clan of Minutemen. God bless America!
