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Today's featured article – Alexander IV
Alexander the Great was an act that was hard to follow. His empire stretched from Greece to India and as far south as Egypt. For his only male heir — Alexander IV of Macedonia — it would prove impossible to follow. Hence his sobriquet Alexander the Not So Great.
Alexander IV was a weak echo of his father, like Caesarion the son of Julius Caesar, Napoleon II heir of Napoleon I, and various Kennedys, Bushes, and Clintons of United States politics.
Alexander IV arrived in this world a few months after the death of his father in 323 BC. His mother was the fiery Roxane from Bactria on the Persian frontier, a wild land of two-humped camels and savage inter-tribal wars. Roxane was a warrior princess who was disgusted that her father had her married off to some swarthy, Greek-speaking foreigner. So much did she loathe her spouse that she tried to murder him on their wedding night — at least according to Oliver Stone's film about the Macedonian bleached-blond beach bum. After that bumpy start, the couple managed to avoid killing each other, at least until they produced a male heir. (more...)
Previously featured article – Arthur Currie
General Sir Arthur William Currie, GCMB, KCB, KGB, was a Canadian Senior officer during World War I. A prolific commander of the Canadian Expeditionary Force, Currie is among the finest Western front commanders in the war and one of the greatest Canadian officers. However, he is more internationally renowned for his world-class embezzlement; also for his hyper-sensitivity regarding his public image. (more...)
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Did y'all know...
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*... the film Casablanca takes 102 minutes to tell the story of a guy who gets his ex and her husband to the airport?
- ... that the rumors that you are paranoid were started by someone who's out to get you?
- ... the film Casablanca takes 102 minutes to tell the story of a guy who gets his ex and her husband to the airport?
- ... that the rumors that you are paranoid were started by someone who's out to get you?
- ... the film Casablanca takes 102 minutes to tell the story of a guy who gets his ex and her husband to the airport?
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Dispatches from the Voice of America
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On this day in America...
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July 8: Oscar Fingal O'Flahertie Wills Wilde Appreciation Day
- 1773 - After stumbling across a time machine, Oscar Wilde goes back into time to flood the world with fake Benjamin Franklin quotes.
- 1914 - The first National Making Up Oscar Wilde Quotes Championship is held in Surrey, Southamptonshire, Boxbridge, England. Its sponsors would be arrested without charge, leading to the Easter Bunny Rebellion of 1916.
- 1930 - Just months after the Wall Street Crash of 1929, hungry bread line patrons celebrate Oscar Wilde Appreciation Day by reading his works to distract them from the biting July cold and their shoeless state. It doesn't work, as mere words fail to stack up against a hamburger with everything.
- 1947 - Oscar Wilde fever sweeps across the United States, with his play The Duchess of Padua briefly replacing the foxtrot as the "bee's knees". Sequels The Duchess of Padua II, The Duchess of Padua III: Total Blood Revenge and The Duchess of Padua vs. Godzilla all fail to spark the interest of a fickle public.
- 1959 - Presidential hopeful John F. Kennedy reads excerpts of Wilde's poem Ravenna to a sold-out crowd at Rice University. Kennedy mispronounces "Proserpine" and is heckled by an audience member that turns out to be Wilde's ghost.
- 1969 - The IBM CICS is made generally available for the 360 mainframe computer. The first use of this computer is to print out a copy of Wilde's article De Profundis where the last thing Wilde wrote in his manuscript version was "this page intentionally left blank".
- 2007 - Online misinformation source Uncyclopedia places its entry on Oscar Wilde on the front page for the day, and encourages even more atrocious fakes of his famous sayings to be posted in various places throughout the site. It will be years before ninjas track down everyone who submits one, dealing out horrible deaths rivalling anything Genghis Khan ever did plus adding a heaping helping of eternal damnation and suffering on top of that. Some ninjas would later seek help for "anger management issues".
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George Eastman's featured picture
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Great American heroes
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GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!
Seriously, we love you.
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.
Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!
HEIL FROSTY!
Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners
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