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USA Front Page Story
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Today's featured article – Alexander IV
Alexander the Great was an act that was hard to follow. His empire stretched from Greece to India and as far south as Egypt. For his only male heir — Alexander IV of Macedonia — it would prove impossible to follow. Hence his sobriquet Alexander the Not So Great.
Alexander IV was a weak echo of his father, like Caesarion the son of Julius Caesar, Napoleon II heir of Napoleon I, and various Kennedys, Bushes, and Clintons of United States politics.
Alexander IV arrived in this world a few months after the death of his father in 323 BC. His mother was the fiery Roxane from Bactria on the Persian frontier, a wild land of two-humped camels and savage inter-tribal wars. Roxane was a warrior princess who was disgusted that her father had her married off to some swarthy, Greek-speaking foreigner. So much did she loathe her spouse that she tried to murder him on their wedding night — at least according to Oliver Stone's film about the Macedonian bleached-blond beach bum. After that bumpy start, the couple managed to avoid killing each other, at least until they produced a male heir. (more...)
Previously featured article – Arthur Currie
General Sir Arthur William Currie, GCMB, KCB, KGB, was a Canadian Senior officer during World War I. A prolific commander of the Canadian Expeditionary Force, Currie is among the finest Western front commanders in the war and one of the greatest Canadian officers. However, he is more internationally renowned for his world-class embezzlement; also for his hyper-sensitivity regarding his public image. (more...)
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Did y'all know...
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*... that the chickens are finally coming home to roost, but roosters are too chicken to be coming home?
- ... that the bow-tie is an aphrodisiac worn by male humans which instantly increases the sexual appeal of the wearer by 16%?
- ... that the chickens are finally coming home to roost, but roosters are too chicken to be coming home?
- ... that the bow-tie is an aphrodisiac worn by male humans which instantly increases the sexual appeal of the wearer by 16%?
- ... that the chickens are finally coming home to roost, but roosters are too chicken to be coming home?
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Dispatches from the Voice of America
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On this day in America...
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August 14: Brutal Dictator Appreciation Day (Saudi Arabia & Jacksonville, FL)
- A long time ago - Emperor Ovaltine consolidates his power in the Galactic Empire. When he hears about it, Mace Window is shocked.
- 1844 BCE - Toast is invented.
- 1855 BCE - Following the War of a Thousand Toasters, the recipe for toast is lost for over 3000 years.
- 1880 - Cologne Cathedral in Germany, is completed. It smells great!
- 1923 - Start of the Dotcom Era.
- 1987 - A young explorer named Wally ("Waldo" in the Americas) is reported missing.
- 2001 - George W. Bush is "elected" by his daddy's friends to be president of the United States.
- 2005 - Ego is discovered to be, in fact, a dirty word. Eggo remains as a frozen waffle.
- 2006 - Horizontal line is discovered in your pants.
- 2007 - Vertical line is discovered in the inside of your pants.
- 2007 - Hitler is finally mentioned in Brutal Dictator Appreciation Day. Took long enough.
- 2008 - The first "sort of" black dictator is introduced into the history of the US. People take to the streets with high hopes of a kinder, gentler dictator.
- 2009 - Nut and penis implants are invented.
- 2010 - Nut and penis implants found to cause cancer. Some 1.3 million white gangstas are affected.
- 2012 - Dick Cheney dies because his cold blackened void of a heart fails. The world is finally safe.
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George Eastman's featured picture
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[vote]
| LandoftheJews.png - 5 total votes ( 5 / 0 )
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Land of the Jews, based on promo poster for George A. Romero's film Land of the Dead.
Image credit: RabbiTechno
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Great American heroes
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GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!
Seriously, we love you.
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.
Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!
HEIL FROSTY!
Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners
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Uncyclopedia's sista projectsUncyclopedia is an independent humor writing project, a non-profitable cabal that also hosts a range of other projects.
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