USA Front Page Story
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Today's featured article – Windows XP
Windows XP, aka NT 5.1.2600, Windows XD or Windows :P is a detestable operating system. It remains Microsoft's "best" system to date, being far superior to subsequent products according to most late adopters.[1] It had an innovative graphical user interface compared to the bloatware known as MS-DOS, while taking up only 40 gigs of disk space. Its file system interacted fully with more dominant operating systems such as OS/2 Warp and Linux, and it featured enhanced mouse support, although still lacking rat support.
 If you caught a BSOD, you need to insert a quarter to continue. (In Britain, a pound coin will work, if you push hard.) Production of XP began in 1998 and was completed in 2000. However, Microsoft realized it did not crash enough, so they worked on making it vulnerable, bug-filled, and overall, an unmitigated pile of blue (or green) screens of death. (more...)
Previously featured article – Switzerland
Switzerland is a mountainous region created in the early 13th century in order to contain gold and produce chocolate bars. From this point on, the insatiable Swiss desire for idyll building (idyllification) led to the creation of a nation remarkable for its efficient transport networks, orderly villages and synchronised repetitive yodelling. (more...)
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Did y'all know...
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| *... that the universe is made up of protons, electrons, neutrons and morons?
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Dispatches from the Voice of America
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On this day in America...
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January 30: Well Worn Cliché Day
- A long time ago, in a galaxy far far away.... - The evil armies attack, and only a hero can save the light side.
- Once upon a time - A young girl, living in poverty, meets Prince Charming and they live happily ever after. That is, until their castle is sold to the Disney Group and they are forced to pose for pictures with sweaty, smelly commoner tourists.
- 1110 - Better to have loved and lost than to have never loved before. Even though all your exes took your car and all your money each time.
- 1111 - Besides, there's plenty more fish in the sea, who, when finding out you just won the lottery, take all your money and run Venezuela.
- 1268 - A battle of epic proportions occurs. The bad guys lose and the half-good guys win. Our heroes from the future find themselves trapped in this age of rape and plundering, and just as they are to be executed for public fornication, the funky professor back in the future figures out a way to save them, and bring them back.
- 1859 - Abraham Lincoln fights his evil twin.
- 1939 The bad guys are a bunch of Nazis. Wow, that's really original.
- 1945 - President Truman considers bombing Japan with the A-bomb. "It's crazy", he says, "but just crazy enough to work."
- 1960 - The first American movie is released involving guns, aliens, tits, love-triangles, dinosaurs, Mars, and a young misfit whose strange talent is needed to save the world.
- 1979 - The Japanese release their first movie, game, book, and porno where key characters die for shock value. The survival rate of Japanese characters lowers to 10%.
- 2003 - America liberates Iraqistan to bring freedom to the Arabs. The liberal media rejects patriotism.
- 2007 - You wake up, and it was all a dream.
- 2010 - Aliens invade, but they have a hidden weakness which is discovered just in time. Hint: s'mores and enemas.
- 2011 - Aliens invade again, different aliens. We shoot the mother ship with a one-in-a-million chance of it hitting. It hits.
- 2017 - A rag-tag misfit with his own set of rules is persuaded to help the police track down the kitten ripper bandit in order to buy his own freedom. Seventeen sequels follow.
- 2407 - Super Mario makes an appearance in his 1,309th video game entitled Mario Saves the Princess, AGAIN. It never gets old, does it?
- 9000 - Vegeta finally gets the meme about his catchphrase.
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Great American heroes
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GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!
Seriously, we love you.
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.
Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!
HEIL FROSTY!
Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners
Clock is ticking! There's only one more day to nominate and vote for Writer of the Month, Noob of the Month and Uncyclopedian of the Month, GET VOTING!!
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