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USA Front Page Story
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Today's featured article – Arthur Currie
General Sir Arthur William Currie, GCMB, KCB, KGB, was a Canadian Senior officer during World War I. A prolific commander of the Canadian Expeditionary Force, Currie is among the finest Western front commanders in the war and one of the greatest Canadian officers. However, he is more internationally renowned for his world-class embezzlement; also for his hyper-sensitivity regarding his public image.
Currie was born on December 5, 1875 in the tiny hamlet of Napperton, Ontario. Currie's last name was originally Curry, but, once he got out of "nappers" in 1897, he changed the spelling to avoid being mistaken for either his rival Arthur Curry (the reader knows him as Aquaman) or the popular Indian dish of the same name.
Currie had planned to pursue law or medicine but the convenient death of his father when Currie was 15 made this financially moronic. Currie then pursued teaching; joining the Canada Militia in 1897 was merely a part-time side-hustle. When the poor wages gained from the painful job of educating the devilish spawn of Canada became apparent, Currie stoped dilly-dallying and gave into his destiny as a full-time military man. (more...)
Previously featured article – Star Trek
Star Trek was a government-mandated Pavlovian conditioning method to keep left-wing radicals and other kooks locked in their homes, staring at an electron gun with glass in front of it. (more...)
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Did y'all know...
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*... the Japanese have a saying: "A man cannot read the same Wikipedia page twice"? The pages are constantly being edited, and the act of reading it will make you a different person. Therefore, when a man goes back to re-read it, both the text and the man have been changed.
- ... that anyone who dies at Disneyland receives a free lifetime pass?
- ... the Japanese have a saying: "A man cannot read the same Wikipedia page twice"? The pages are constantly being edited, and the act of reading it will make you a different person. Therefore, when a man goes back to re-read it, both the text and the man have been changed.
- ... that anyone who dies at Disneyland receives a free lifetime pass?
- ... the Japanese have a saying: "A man cannot read the same Wikipedia page twice"? The pages are constantly being edited, and the act of reading it will make you a different person. Therefore, when a man goes back to re-read it, both the text and the man have been changed.
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Dispatches from the Voice of America
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On this day in America...
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June 10: Try a New Type of Crappy Food Day, Processed Food Product Appreciation Day
- 31964 BCE - World population reaches 15.
- 31963 BCE - Earth's population becomes 14.5 after strange boulder incident occurs.
- 31962 BCE - Space hobos forced back into ocean once and for all, there is much rejoicing.
- 69 CE - A new way of having sex is invented although not the 69, oddly enough. It was the much less popular 1^1^1, which never really caught on.
- 1932 - Harlem renaissance poet Langston Hughes writes the first Yo momma joke.
- 1979 - Hershey's releases their first non-candy effort, Hugs. (pictured) It does not prove to be popular, as most people are found trying it only once.
- 1992 - The Cherokee Nation becomes extinct due to overpopulation of Grue.
- 2005 - Rosie O'Donnell explodes from over-eating again. Out of 9 lives she now only has one left.
- 2006 - Wayne Rooney kicks a football on live television – crowd goes wild.
- 2007 - The second coming of Elvis occurs. First words are 'I was just kidding everybody...uh huh.'
- 2007 - David Letterman tells something funny. A local black community want him on the KFC menu.
- 2007 - The King's second drug problem is revealed when he is found dead at a Toronto convenience store near the cave he was hiding in.
- 2007 - Pete Sampras declared world's first lead-eating champion by default after being held up in traffic for tournament duration.
- 2010 - First koala goes to the Moon, makes a thrilling scientific discovery and wins the Nobel Prize. Everyone makes 'Aww...' noises. Nine thousand disillusioned koalas top themselves.
- 2016 - The Colonel's recipe of eleven herbs and spices is accidentally revealed, exposing the two-thousand-year-old Illuminati/space alien/Bush/Clinton conspiracy to control the world's supply of food that comes in buckets.
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George Eastman's featured picture
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| Tide Pods Candy.JPG - 6 total votes ( 6 / 0 )
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Great American heroes
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GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!
Seriously, we love you.
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.
Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!
HEIL FROSTY!
Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners
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