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USA Front Page Story
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Today's featured article – Arthur Currie
General Sir Arthur William Currie, GCMB, KCB, KGB, was a Canadian Senior officer during World War I. A prolific commander of the Canadian Expeditionary Force, Currie is among the finest Western front commanders in the war and one of the greatest Canadian officers. However, he is more internationally renowned for his world-class embezzlement; also for his hyper-sensitivity regarding his public image.
Currie was born on December 5, 1875 in the tiny hamlet of Napperton, Ontario. Currie's last name was originally Curry, but, once he got out of "nappers" in 1897, he changed the spelling to avoid being mistaken for either his rival Arthur Curry (the reader knows him as Aquaman) or the popular Indian dish of the same name.
Currie had planned to pursue law or medicine but the convenient death of his father when Currie was 15 made this financially moronic. Currie then pursued teaching; joining the Canada Militia in 1897 was merely a part-time side-hustle. When the poor wages gained from the painful job of educating the devilish spawn of Canada became apparent, Currie stoped dilly-dallying and gave into his destiny as a full-time military man. (more...)
Previously featured article – Star Trek
Star Trek was a government-mandated Pavlovian conditioning method to keep left-wing radicals and other kooks locked in their homes, staring at an electron gun with glass in front of it. (more...)
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Did y'all know...
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*... chickens can count to a hundred but are reluctant to show you up?
- ... chickens can count to a hundred but are reluctant to show you up?
- ... that this page will self-destruct in 5 seconds?
- ... chickens can count to a hundred but are reluctant to show you up?
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Dispatches from the Voice of America
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On this day in America...
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May 7: International Daintiness Day (pictured)
- 1274 - In France, the Second Council of Lion ends in a bloodbath. Final Score: Councillors 2, Lions 37.
- 1776 - Pollsters in the American colonies find "zero interest" in freedom and democracy, find most are content with ruthless monarchy and doughnuts.
- 1824 - Ludwig van Beethoven's Ninth Symphony debuts in Austria, performed by a mute ensemble, to a deaf audience, and orchestrated by a conductor with no arms.
- 1902 - The Wright Brothers and Dudley Do-Right set out to prove that 3 rights make a left.
- 1920 - The Treaty of Moscow is signed, in which Soviet Russia agrees not to invade the nation of Georgia. It is broken six months later, when Soviet forces capture Atlanta.
- 1961 - Feminine ultra-spy Mrs. J is sent to Cairo, Egypt by the higher-ups at MI-5. She finds proof that Britain is meddling with Egypt and informs her superiors, only to be jailed. She then escapes by disguising herself as a basilisk but is wounded by a thrown enchanted marshmallow. After being rescued and brought back to health by penguins, a grateful Mrs. J dedicates her life to being a penguin nanny.
- 1967 - Pope Paul VI designs the miniskirt for Swiss Guard's summer uniforms. FABULOUS!
- 1968 - USA weather: Summer of Love is forecasted with a 50% chance for civil unrest.
- 1969 - The first man on the Moon does it in his pants the wrong way.
- 2010 - The General Election result is realized in the UK. Suicide rates increase 10%.
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George Eastman's featured picture
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[vote]
| LandoftheJews.png - 5 total votes ( 5 / 0 )
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Land of the Jews, based on promo poster for George A. Romero's film Land of the Dead.
Image credit: RabbiTechno
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Great American heroes
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GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!
Seriously, we love you.
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.
Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!
HEIL FROSTY!
Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners
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