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Today's featured article – Alexander IV
Alexander the Great was an act that was hard to follow. His empire stretched from Greece to India and as far south as Egypt. For his only male heir — Alexander IV of Macedonia — it would prove impossible to follow. Hence his sobriquet Alexander the Not So Great.
Alexander IV was a weak echo of his father, like Caesarion the son of Julius Caesar, Napoleon II heir of Napoleon I, and various Kennedys, Bushes, and Clintons of United States politics.
Alexander IV arrived in this world a few months after the death of his father in 323 BC. His mother was the fiery Roxane from Bactria on the Persian frontier, a wild land of two-humped camels and savage inter-tribal wars. Roxane was a warrior princess who was disgusted that her father had her married off to some swarthy, Greek-speaking foreigner. So much did she loathe her spouse that she tried to murder him on their wedding night — at least according to Oliver Stone's film about the Macedonian bleached-blond beach bum. After that bumpy start, the couple managed to avoid killing each other, at least until they produced a male heir. (more...)
Previously featured article – Arthur Currie
General Sir Arthur William Currie, GCMB, KCB, KGB, was a Canadian Senior officer during World War I. A prolific commander of the Canadian Expeditionary Force, Currie is among the finest Western front commanders in the war and one of the greatest Canadian officers. However, he is more internationally renowned for his world-class embezzlement; also for his hyper-sensitivity regarding his public image. (more...)
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Did y'all know...
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*... ask a silly question and you end up on Uncyclopedia?
- ... when Pong! the Movie was released alongside other video game genre releases like The Super Mario Brothers Movie and Resident Evil, it did not play out well in the box offices?
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Dispatches from the Voice of America
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On this day in America...
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July 1: Dennis Rodman Appreciation Day (in Canada), Canada Day (in most other countries).
- 1621 - The first curling joke is told in Massachusetts by Pilgrims frowning upon a frivolous game. In reality, they are jealous that they cannot play the game outdoors 350 days a year like their neighbors to the north.
- 1691 - Voyageurs come across Dennis Rodman shooting free throws in a clearing; an impromptu game of H-O-R-S-E occurs.
- 1863 - The Battle of Gettysburg begins. One hundred forty years later, Brooke leaves me, sparking my own personal battle.
- 1867 - The British North America Act takes effect as the Constitution of Canada, creating the Canadian Confederation, and laying down the first widely accepted standard rules of hockey.
- 1890 - Canada and Bermuda are linked by telegraph cable; Canada briefly enjoys participation in the Bermuda Triangle until a lobster severs the connection.
- 1933 - The Canadian Parliament suspends all Chinese immigration; the dreams of countless Chinese youths of playing hockey for a career are sundered.
- 1970 - Boston Bruins goaltender Gerry Cheevers is honored on Canada Day as the Canadian of the Year. As the presenter attempts to hand him his trophy, he deftly blocks it with a stick save, sending it into the audience.
- 1980 - O Canada officially becomes the national anthem of Canada, replacing Canada Is Pretty Neat, Eh?.
- 2012 - Dennis Rodman convinces his BFF Kim Jong-un to tour with him on a take-on-all-comers 2-man beach volleyball tour through Canada.
- 2020 - The United States invades Canada with the intention of creating the massive new national park "Mooseland". After arriving, however, nothing of any interest was found, and all armed forces are withdrawn from the area.
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George Eastman's featured picture
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Great American heroes
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GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!
Seriously, we love you.
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.
Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!
HEIL FROSTY!
Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners
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