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Today's featured article – Alexander IV
Alexander the Great was an act that was hard to follow. His empire stretched from Greece to India and as far south as Egypt. For his only male heir — Alexander IV of Macedonia — it would prove impossible to follow. Hence his sobriquet Alexander the Not So Great.
Alexander IV was a weak echo of his father, like Caesarion the son of Julius Caesar, Napoleon II heir of Napoleon I, and various Kennedys, Bushes, and Clintons of United States politics.
Alexander IV arrived in this world a few months after the death of his father in 323 BC. His mother was the fiery Roxane from Bactria on the Persian frontier, a wild land of two-humped camels and savage inter-tribal wars. Roxane was a warrior princess who was disgusted that her father had her married off to some swarthy, Greek-speaking foreigner. So much did she loathe her spouse that she tried to murder him on their wedding night — at least according to Oliver Stone's film about the Macedonian bleached-blond beach bum. After that bumpy start, the couple managed to avoid killing each other, at least until they produced a male heir. (more...)
Previously featured article – Arthur Currie
General Sir Arthur William Currie, GCMB, KCB, KGB, was a Canadian Senior officer during World War I. A prolific commander of the Canadian Expeditionary Force, Currie is among the finest Western front commanders in the war and one of the greatest Canadian officers. However, he is more internationally renowned for his world-class embezzlement; also for his hyper-sensitivity regarding his public image. (more...)
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Did y'all know...
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| *... that if Robert Plant heard Stairway to Heaven on the radio, he would sing along?
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Dispatches from the Voice of America
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On this day in America...
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August 25: Spurious Oscar Wilde Quote Day, Fake Stuff Made of Potatoes Day
- 1385 - Pringles are invented.
- 1390 - Sir Sean Connery, Highlander, is born.
- 1456 - Nostradamus says "a man who loves all other men will one day say 'yet each man kiss the thing he loves'". It is thought to be referring to Oscar Wilde until 1985.
- 1475 - Pringles proven to not be so good that when you pop, you can't stop.
- 1476 - Pringles try to take over the world, but fails due to having a lack of military power.
- 1480 - After its earlier failure, Pringles declares itself to be a religious leader and starts the movement known as Pringlism.
- 1835 - The New York Moon prints an article claiming that life has been discovered on the Sun, thus perpetrating the Great Sun Hoax.
- 1918 - Leonard Bernstein is born a second time.
- 1985 - Elton John completes one of his sentences with "...yet each man kiss the thing he loves". Nostradamus interpreters apologize.
- 1988 - In the single greatest scandal in Oscar Wilde quote history, Bill Cosby fabricates a record 2,994 spurious Oscar Wilde quotes. He comes up short of his goal of 3,000 when it is found that he stumbled upon six real ones previously undiscovered by scientists.
- 1992 - 1942 is invented, then thrown out for being too racist.
- 1993 - The Sour Cream and Onion Pringlians are killed in Waco, Texas during an assault by Baked Lays.
- 2005 - "Numerous spurious Oscar Wilde quotes appear throughout the Uncyclopedia." ~ Oscar Wilde on Spurious Oscar Wilde Quote Day
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George Eastman's featured picture
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Great American heroes
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GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!
Seriously, we love you.
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.
Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!
HEIL FROSTY!
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