Today's featured article – Switzerland
Switzerland is a mountainous region created in the early 13th century in order to contain gold and produce chocolate bars. From this point on, the insatiable Swiss desire for idyll building (idyllification) led to the creation of a nation remarkable for its efficient transport networks, orderly villages and synchronised repetitive yodelling.
At the beginning of time, Switzerland was a small moon orbiting the Earth, populated entirely by cows, sheep, and shepherd dogs; it is now thought to be where those creatures came from in the first place and it was known as tobleronistan.
 Location of Switzerland, according to CNN. Due to continental drift, the country now lies south of Germany. After being sent down to Earth, having fallen behind on sky-high rent, Switzerland came to be located south of Germany, bordering France, Italy, Australia and Liechtenstein. Switzerland annexed Czechia in 1990 because the country got too cramped and stuff is cheaper in eastern Europe, although today most Swiss are known to have trillions of dollars in the bank. (more...)
St. Pierre and Michelob (technically, the Territorial Collectivity of Saint Pierre et Michelob; French: Collectivité territoriale de Saint-Pierre-et-Michelob), is an archipelago of small islands off the coast of eastern Canada, the main islands being St. Pierre and Michelob, south of the Canadian province of Newfoundland and Labatt. The islands come within 10 km of Newfoundland. (more...)
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Did you know...
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- ...that Santa has somehow delivered presents to all the people in the world every christmas, even though the laws of physics dictate that he would be an incinerated and crushed pile of ashes by now, along with all his reindeer?
- ...that Santa, when his name is scrambled, is Satan?
- ...even though he's a magical and kindhearted person?
- ...and that the elves are revolting against Santa?
- ...that Santa doesn't care about you? In fact, nobody cares?
- ...and that Santa does care about and love everyone else in the world?
- ...that reindeer are never magical?
- ...that even though he has a whole bunch of elves working for him, Santa does shopping for presents all the time?
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In the news
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- Santa has gone crazy. Even more than before. (Pictured)
- Grandma gets run over by a reindeer.
- Mandatory elf gathering goes horribly wrong
- While making presents, Santa falls in the wrapping machinery
- The reindeer veer off track while deivering presents
- Santa fails to remember getting the flying powder before entering the sleigh
- Santa's elves lose some of the presents they made; expect delays
- Santa's present-making machinery malfunctions and goes haywire; many elves die
- Easter comes on Christmas; millions confused
- Santa revealed to be ordinary person with immortality potion
- Elves revealed to be robots; noone knows what to think anymore
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On this day...
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December 28: Day of the Not-so-Innocents (Spain, Portugal, South America), Penis Appreciation Day
- 1597 BCE - The Thera volcano erupts, destroying the Minoan civilization. As it self-destructs, it apologizes and is thus absolved of any evil intent by the Minoan gods. The latter then retire to Leisure World in Arizona where they live to this day.
- 23 CE - Penis Appreciation Day is invented by Jesus. Not realising his mate Judas and the entire Roman army is less well hung, he would regret it one day.
- 401 - In a stroke of brilliance, Laszlo Guiltyashell becomes Pope and takes the name Innocent I. Cardinals would tire of him walking up to them and telling them "I'm Innocent!" and running away, cackling.
- 1209 - Pope Innocent III orders the extermination of the Cathars. As washing his hands of the whole thing has already been done and by a pagan besides, he instead absolves himself, declaring himself innocent. Audible clicks from millions of eye-rolls are heard as far away as China.
- 1724 - Tiring of his name, Pope Innocent XIII attempts to change it, without success. Ironically, his death in a freak accident would begin the observance of Friday the 13th.
- 1892 - After being beaten to the patent for the steam-powered armadillo by others, Rudolf Diesel invents and builds the first acting robot, Vin Diesel.
- 2004 - Deciding they like Mondays, superheroes plan a combined assault on Bob Geldof. After an hour of the Hoff's singing and Mr T's pitying, the devastating blow comes when Darth Vader tells Geldof who his father is. This causes him to spontaneously combust all over Pauline Fowler's scowl.
- 2006 - Uncyclopedians lose count at the sheer number of anniversaries with penises in them.
- 2007 - World economy goes into meltdown as Penis Appreciation Day lasts until August 15th 2008. This only ends when lesbians attempt to seize control of the earth. Millions would die in the conflict.
- 2009 - It is rumoured that Bob Geldof will return to fight the final battle between good and evil one day. The Vatican, the CIA and Michael Stipe all deny this.
- 2072 - America elects its new emperor, The Noid.
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| Colonization of the Week
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For the glory of her majesty
Help us clear the ivy of crap,
and plant the seeds of humour.
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