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Today's featured article – Windows XP
Windows XP, aka NT 5.1.2600, Windows XD or Windows :P is a detestable operating system. It remains Microsoft's "best" system to date, being far superior to subsequent products according to most late adopters.[1] It had an innovative graphical user interface compared to the bloatware known as MS-DOS, while taking up only 40 gigs of disk space. Its file system interacted fully with more dominant operating systems such as OS/2 Warp and Linux, and it featured enhanced mouse support, although still lacking rat support.
 If you caught a BSOD, you need to insert a quarter to continue. (In Britain, a pound coin will work, if you push hard.) Production of XP began in 1998 and was completed in 2000. However, Microsoft realized it did not crash enough, so they worked on making it vulnerable, bug-filled, and overall, an unmitigated pile of blue (or green) screens of death. (more...)
Previously featured article – Switzerland
Switzerland is a mountainous region created in the early 13th century in order to contain gold and produce chocolate bars. From this point on, the insatiable Swiss desire for idyll building (idyllification) led to the creation of a nation remarkable for its efficient transport networks, orderly villages and synchronised repetitive yodelling. (more...)
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Did you know...
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- ...that Santa has somehow delivered presents to all the people in the world every christmas, even though the laws of physics dictate that he would be an incinerated and crushed pile of ashes by now, along with all his reindeer?
- ...that Santa, when his name is scrambled, is Satan?
- ...even though he's a magical and kindhearted person?
- ...and that the elves are revolting against Santa?
- ...that Santa doesn't care about you? In fact, nobody cares?
- ...and that Santa does care about and love everyone else in the world?
- ...that reindeer are never magical?
- ...that even though he has a whole bunch of elves working for him, Santa does shopping for presents all the time?
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In the news
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- Santa has gone crazy. Even more than before. (Pictured)
- Grandma gets run over by a reindeer.
- Mandatory elf gathering goes horribly wrong
- While making presents, Santa falls in the wrapping machinery
- The reindeer veer off track while deivering presents
- Santa fails to remember getting the flying powder before entering the sleigh
- Santa's elves lose some of the presents they made; expect delays
- Santa's present-making machinery malfunctions and goes haywire; many elves die
- Easter comes on Christmas; millions confused
- Santa revealed to be ordinary person with immortality potion
- Elves revealed to be robots; noone knows what to think anymore
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On this day...
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March 8: Trans-European Trim Those Nose Hairs Day, Search and Destroy Oscar Wilde Shippers Day
- 808 - Argle bargle infinitesimal flea splitters rumple cargilous mentalfloss.
- 1213 - While moustaches are important, trimmed nose hairs are equally so. Therefore knights and noblemen would put sharp angled points on their swords to do the job.
- 1616 - Method acting is developed by Shakespeare's troupe. In a scene requiring a deeply pained performance, an actor would quickly pluck out a nose hair, ensuring so much pain as to give a convincing show of emotion, tears and all.
- 1711 - Powdered wigs become very popular among the wealthy, but they would often forget to dye their nose hairs to match.
- 1894 - Fans are outraged by lurid fanfiction written about Oscar Wilde. They later find the writing to be entries from Wilde's diary. They then let their hair grow long, and buy mohair suits and pimp sticks to become like their god.
- 1896 - Men would begin parting their nose hairs down the middle during this time. They would eventually part nose hairs on one side or the other by 1940, always carrying a nose hair comb in a pocket. Women favored nose hair perms to match whatever style was popular at the time.
- 1923 - The henna rinse becomes popular with women for coloring mismatched nose hairs. This process would be later known as waterboarding.
- 1968 - Hippies refuse to trim their nose hairs, scandalizing the world. They are shipped off en masse to Viet Nam to be used as human shields, as their smell repels the Viet Cong and snipers are camouflaged by the huge masses of unkempt nose hairs.
- 1974 - The French build the Exocet missile to destroy the ever-growing Oscar Wilde cult of false quotes in order to promote writers of fake Gustave Flaubert quotes.
- 1986 - Weasels gain the spotlight, popularized in the movie Ferret Bueller's Day Off.
- 1992 - Michael Jackson buys a sword from 1213.
- 2014 - The nose hair man bun becomes briefly popular. As it interferes with breathing, it quickly falls out of favor even though fart odors are filtered out effectively.
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| Colonization of the Week
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For the glory of her majesty
Help us clear the ivy of crap,
and plant the seeds of humour.
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Today's featured picture
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As you enjoy this Christmas holiday safe at home with your family, please remember the brave men and women who gave their lives in the name of Christmas spirit.
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Writer and Noob of the Month
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- Santa's newest creation, the Elveatron 5000, has written many works of art full of creativity and cunning, and so has earned the title of Writer of the Month.
- Now, how can a robot generate such wonderful writing? Well, Santa programs the robot to generate random strings of letters, numbers, and other characters at insanely fast speeds (1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 per second, in fact) and Santa then picks out the strings that look the best and puts them on Uncyclopedia as presents to all Uncyclopedia users.
- Isn't Santa wonderful?
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Rudolph has recently gone crazy and made really noobish and bad edits recently. So, we've given him the honorary title of Noob of the month. Yes, Rudolph may have guided Santa and his sleigh on those foggy Christmas Eves, but he was taking his medicine then. He yesterday refused to take his medicine and now he is throwing chairs at people and mauling them, and he is making bad edits on Uncyclopedia. OH GOD THERE HE IS NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...!
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Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners
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Protected by the Fair Use Clause, and an elite clan of psychotic reindeer.
- ↑ Windows XP remains the overwhelming favorite of late adopters so hidebound as to also refuse to adopt the term "African American," though it seems we're onto something else now.
