Babel:Santa

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Today's featured article – Windows XP Windows XP, aka NT 5.1.2600, Windows XD or Windows :P is a detestable operating system. It remains Microsoft's "best" system to date, being far superior to subsequent products according to most late adopters. It had an innovative graphical user interface compared to the bloatware known as MS-DOS, while taking up only 40 gigs of disk space. Its file system interacted fully with more dominant operating systems such as OS/2 Warp and Linux, and it featured enhanced mouse support, although still lacking rat support. If you caught a BSOD, you need to insert a quarter to continue. (In Britain, a pound coin will work, if you push hard.) Production of XP began in 1998 and was completed in 2000. However, Microsoft realized it did not crash enough, so they worked on making it vulnerable, bug-filled, and overall, an unmitigated pile of blue (or green) screens of death. (more...) Recently featured: Switzerland St. Pierre and Miquelon Minotaur Archive Vote for featured articles Previously featured article – Switzerland Switzerland is a mountainous region created in the early 13th century in order to contain gold and produce chocolate bars. From this point on, the insatiable Swiss desire for idyll building (idyllification) led to the creation of a nation remarkable for its efficient transport networks, orderly villages and synchronised repetitive yodelling. (more...) Did you know... ...that Santa has somehow delivered presents to all the people in the world every christmas, even though the laws of physics dictate that he would be an incinerated and crushed pile of ashes by now, along with all his reindeer? ...that Santa, when his name is scrambled, is Satan? ...even though he's a magical and kindhearted person? ...that Santa is mean to his elves? ...and that the elves are revolting against Santa? ...that Santa doesn't care about you? In fact, nobody cares? ...and that Santa does care about and love everyone else in the world? ...that reindeer are never magical? ...that even though he has a whole bunch of elves working for him, Santa does shopping for presents all the time?

In the news Santa has gone crazy. Even more than before. (Pictured) Grandma gets run over by a reindeer. There's a new threat to christmas this year. Christmas is shortened, somehow Mandatory elf gathering goes horribly wrong While making presents, Santa falls in the wrapping machinery The reindeer veer off track while deivering presents Santa fails to remember getting the flying powder before entering the sleigh Santa's elves lose some of the presents they made; expect delays Santa's present-making machinery malfunctions and goes haywire; many elves die Rudolph goes crazy Santa becomes mean; the elves revolt Easter comes on Christmas; millions confused Santa revealed to be ordinary person with immortality potion Elves revealed to be robots; noone knows what to think anymore On this day... March 3: International Beat Random People With a Metal Pipe Day 4328 BCE - Goa Tse is born. (pictured) 992 - The Guild of Lead Pipefitters is established in direct competition with masons and Freemasonry for secret control of the West. For some mysterious reason, the guild's membership would drop to near zero levels within five years. 1944 - It is Mr. Green, in the lounge, with the lead pipe. 1929 - René Magritte finishes La Trahison des images with the inscription "Ceci n'est pas un pipe". A confused art critic would later attack him with a left-footed aardvark holding an apple. 1970 - Tonya Harding is born. 1973 - "Down goes Frazier!!" is heard after the champ is reportedly seen being hit in the knee by a 3-year-old girl. 1987 - Well, now that I've finally done it, I might as well post it on the internet. 1999 - Hey, this link doesn't look too bad. Let's see where it... OH MY GOD! 2000 - One year free of that horrid image. Hey, my friend told me to go to a site. This couldn't possibly be bad... JESUS CHRIST! COME ON! 2001 - Another link, I'm not falling for that one. But www.kittens.com, how could it be... WHY GOD WHY?! 2002 - No more links, I swear – but hey, a movie file... GOOD LORD! THEY ANIMATED IT! 2003 - It has been one year since I've gone blind, so I can now safely click on links to view webpages... "Listen to this article"?... OH COME ON! THAT IS DISTURBING. 2004 - Now that I've gone deaf, all is well. Oh what is this, an image-to-braille converter? Hmm, I'll take a random image off my hard drive, convert... now let's see what it feels like... Aaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrgghh! 2008 - I finally got back some of my hearing after an extensive earwax cleaning. The best video ever...I've just got to see that...WTF? 2016 - Numerous pictures of metal pipes are texted and shown on social media along with a lot of very angry emojis. Colonization of the Week For the glory of her majesty Help us clear the ivy of crap, and plant the seeds of humour.

Today's featured picture
As you enjoy this Christmas holiday safe at home with your family, please remember the brave men and women who gave their lives in the name of Christmas spirit.

Writer and Noob of the Month

Santa's newest creation, the Elveatron 5000, has written many works of art full of creativity and cunning, and so has earned the title of Writer of the Month. Now, how can a robot generate such wonderful writing? Well, Santa programs the robot to generate random strings of letters, numbers, and other characters at insanely fast speeds (1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 per second, in fact) and Santa then picks out the strings that look the best and puts them on Uncyclopedia as presents to all Uncyclopedia users. Isn't Santa wonderful? Rudolph has recently gone crazy and made really noobish and bad edits recently. So, we've given him the honorary title of Noob of the month. Yes, Rudolph may have guided Santa and his sleigh on those foggy Christmas Eves, but he was taking his medicine then. He yesterday refused to take his medicine and now he is throwing chairs at people and mauling them, and he is making bad edits on Uncyclopedia. OH GOD THERE HE IS NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...! Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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