Today's featured article – Windows XP
Windows XP, aka NT 5.1.2600, Windows XD or Windows :P is a detestable operating system. It remains Microsoft's "best" system to date, being far superior to subsequent products according to most late adopters.[1] It had an innovative graphical user interface compared to the bloatware known as MS-DOS, while taking up only 40 gigs of disk space. Its file system interacted fully with more dominant operating systems such as OS/2 Warp and Linux, and it featured enhanced mouse support, although still lacking rat support.
 If you caught a BSOD, you need to insert a quarter to continue. (In Britain, a pound coin will work, if you push hard.) Production of XP began in 1998 and was completed in 2000. However, Microsoft realized it did not crash enough, so they worked on making it vulnerable, bug-filled, and overall, an unmitigated pile of blue (or green) screens of death. (more...)
Previously featured article – Switzerland
Switzerland is a mountainous region created in the early 13th century in order to contain gold and produce chocolate bars. From this point on, the insatiable Swiss desire for idyll building (idyllification) led to the creation of a nation remarkable for its efficient transport networks, orderly villages and synchronised repetitive yodelling. (more...)
|
Did you know...
|
- ...that Santa has somehow delivered presents to all the people in the world every christmas, even though the laws of physics dictate that he would be an incinerated and crushed pile of ashes by now, along with all his reindeer?
- ...that Santa, when his name is scrambled, is Satan?
- ...even though he's a magical and kindhearted person?
- ...and that the elves are revolting against Santa?
- ...that Santa doesn't care about you? In fact, nobody cares?
- ...and that Santa does care about and love everyone else in the world?
- ...that reindeer are never magical?
- ...that even though he has a whole bunch of elves working for him, Santa does shopping for presents all the time?
|
|
In the news
|
- Santa has gone crazy. Even more than before. (Pictured)
- Grandma gets run over by a reindeer.
- Mandatory elf gathering goes horribly wrong
- While making presents, Santa falls in the wrapping machinery
- The reindeer veer off track while deivering presents
- Santa fails to remember getting the flying powder before entering the sleigh
- Santa's elves lose some of the presents they made; expect delays
- Santa's present-making machinery malfunctions and goes haywire; many elves die
- Easter comes on Christmas; millions confused
- Santa revealed to be ordinary person with immortality potion
- Elves revealed to be robots; noone knows what to think anymore
|
On this day...
|
February 17: International Gay, Lesbian, Transexual and Bisexual (GATTACA) Day
- 28 CE - Jesus informs his disciples that he's gay. They all laugh at his little joke and proceed to gangbang Mary Magdalene.
- 29 - Mary Magdalene is found in a dark room with lipstick all over her face, abusing herself in a mirror.
- 903 - Bored scribes copying Bibles would write in passages saying God hated gays. This would not be taken seriously until the 20th century.
- 1798 - Thomas Jefferson receives an anonymous valentine, hoping against hope it is from Alexander Hamilton but suspecting Benjamin Franklin.
- 1931 - Under pressure, restaurants throughout America are forced to remove Gouda cheese from their lettuce, Gouda, bacon and tomato (LGBT) sandwiches, which then become less-interesting BLT sandwiches (shown).
- 1987 - Pedobear attacks the LGBT movement from the pulpit of Westboro Baptist Church, a congregation of bad sign painters with psychiatric medication issues.
- 1999 - Newspaper shipping reports get with the times and change their coverage to fanfic on the internet.
- 2001 - HAL 9000, a homophobic computer, attempts to kill two gay dudes on a spaceship. Hilarity ensues.
- 2004 - People named Gaylord are asked if they have ever watched the television show Gaylords Say No. Most say no.
- 2006 - You finally forget about your miserable Valentine's Day, only to be tormented by this reminder.
- 2009 - Rabbit ears are officially obsolete in America. By law, lagomorphs across the nation must upgrade to sonar.
- 2009 - MP John Prescott is violently molested by a fanatical Pavarotti obsessive.
- 2009 - John Prescott is discovered at the corner of Downing Street in a corset and fish-net tights attempting to whore himself out to passing single parents. He is quickly put back on tranquilisers, ceasing all higher brain functions and allowing normal command of the country to resume.
- 2019 - Denmark is officially recognised as a mistake and erased from history.
- 2040 - All world languages are revoked and replaced with American, a language consisting solely of words with one syllable or less.
- 3010 - The Iraq War is resolved to the satisfaction of all thanks to the complete absence of Iraq.
|
| Colonization of the Week
|
For the glory of her majesty
Help us clear the ivy of crap,
and plant the seeds of humour.
|
|
