Today's featured article – Minotaur
The Minotaur was a half-human, half-bull creature in Greek mythology. Rather than a domestic cow, the bovine parent was an auroch, now extinct, as opposed to an auror, which is hoped to be extinct. The tale is probably a manifestation of man’s historic fascination with cow sex. The odd combination of species stands as proof of Creationism, though not by the usual expected deity.
The monster's given name was Asterix, suggested by some visiting Celts from Gaul.
The beast is typically described in painting and sculpture as having a human body and a bull's head. Some writers have described him the other way around. Considering the combinations possible, it is a wonder that the Minotaur didn't end up as an amalgamation of two different butts.
Experts in Greek mythology suspect that if the Minotaur were born female, then the Borden's company would have adopted its mascot and symbol much, much earlier. The storyline would also then have been much different. Historians agree that the tale would have ended up as some sort of lesbian fanfic, which is within the canon of the soap opera that is Greek mythology. (more...)
Previously featured article – The Witcher
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Did you know...
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- ...that Santa has somehow delivered presents to all the people in the world every christmas, even though the laws of physics dictate that he would be an incinerated and crushed pile of ashes by now, along with all his reindeer?
- ...that Santa, when his name is scrambled, is Satan?
- ...even though he's a magical and kindhearted person?
- ...and that the elves are revolting against Santa?
- ...that Santa doesn't care about you? In fact, nobody cares?
- ...and that Santa does care about and love everyone else in the world?
- ...that reindeer are never magical?
- ...that even though he has a whole bunch of elves working for him, Santa does shopping for presents all the time?
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In the news
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- Santa has gone crazy. Even more than before. (Pictured)
- Grandma gets run over by a reindeer.
- Mandatory elf gathering goes horribly wrong
- While making presents, Santa falls in the wrapping machinery
- The reindeer veer off track while deivering presents
- Santa fails to remember getting the flying powder before entering the sleigh
- Santa's elves lose some of the presents they made; expect delays
- Santa's present-making machinery malfunctions and goes haywire; many elves die
- Easter comes on Christmas; millions confused
- Santa revealed to be ordinary person with immortality potion
- Elves revealed to be robots; noone knows what to think anymore
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On this day...
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September 19: Talk Like a Pirate Day
- 1588 - The Dread Pirate Wesley singlehandedly defeats the entire Spanish Armada in single combat.
- 1778 - The Continental Congress passes the first budget of the United States, budgeting 10,000 doubloons for defense, 5000 pieces of eight for social programs, and additional booty to highways.
- 1796 - George Washington makes his farewell address, saying, "Aye me mateys, it were good being captain of this fine ship of state."
- 1957 - First U.S. underground nuclear bomb test is conducted, shivering timbers as far as 500 km (300 mi) away.
- 1959 - After Nikita Khrushchev is barred from visiting Disneyland, he threatens to keelhaul a man dressed in a Goofy suit.
- 1970 - Pirates the world over rejoice at Oldsmobile's launch of the Cutlass Supreme!
- 1982 - Feared corsair Patch-Eyed Pete posts first recorded instance of an emoticon, P-) to an online bulletin board.
- 1985- First pirate movie released. It is rated ARRRRRRRRRRR!!!!
- 1989- Pirate radio goes on the air and is fined for gratuitous use of the words "scalliwag" and "booty".
- 1995 - First Talk Like a Pirate Day. It rapidly replaces Talk Like a Ninja Day, which involved people saying nothing so as to conceal their presence.
- 2006 - With the War on Terror becoming increasingly bogged down in Iraq and Afghanistan, President Bush considers shifting focus to a War on Pirates.
- 2006- Patch-Eyed Pete is fined $100,000 for using a pirated emoticon in 1982.
- 2008- Due to the unpopularity of his administration, George W. Bush is forced to walk the plank. The outraged Right Wing Naval Forces (RWNF) stage an attack on the District of Columbia from their base in Wasila, Alaska, resulting in the Battle of Stupid Pirate Catchphrases.
- 2014 - File-sharing site The Pirate Bay is taken down by the ABBA-led Swedish navy but immediately springs up on hundreds of mirror sites. The criminal organization HYDRA sues for theft of concept and for confusing fish.
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| Colonization of the Week
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For the glory of her majesty
Help us clear the ivy of crap,
and plant the seeds of humour.
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